Friday, May 22, 2009

Potty Boot Camp

What did people do before blogs? Jump off a bridge?

I would be the happiest mom in the world if I could just let up on Genea and have all her issues fall into place. It would be so, so, great, if I could go easy on her, be nice, and have a result. If her surface affect, her insincere interactions, her superficial charm and interest, if any of that were, as was suggested today, a result of "just trying to please" me. I would be truly, ecstatically peeing on myself if that were accurate. That's right. Peeing. On Myself. Were anyone on this planet to put one tenth of that effort out just for the sheer intent of making me feel positively towards them. Wow. What a great life I would have. Who has a life that great that I could even compare too? I can't even think of anyone!

I hate having to be this parent sometimes. Damn it would be fabulous to relax and approximate the mom I thought I might have a chance at being. If I could just give Genea a bowl of ice cream and listen to her talk. I would listen all night. All day, all week. However long it took. I don't want to drag my daughter through all this. My other daughter having to see it, hear it. Ugh. I wouldn't be potty training an almost 6 year old. An almost 6 year old who deliberately, intentionally, P's herself regularily. My house stinks. Their room reeks.

I have tried everything on this P issue. I am at the end. These are the things I have resorted to. Keep in mind this has been going on for 2 years. It is totally voluntary. There are no physical problems. Genea is wearing a pull up to school now. Every day that she P's in it, she has to pay me back for having the extra expense. I pay for one stupid pull up a day. She has to do a nasty chore to pay me back for any extras. She has to sit on the toilet for 10 minutes every 30. She has to sanitize the toilet seat. She has to carry a timer around with her and bring it to me to reset every time it goes off. She has to hand wash out the clothes and hang them outside to dry. She has to sit on a piece of plastic wherever she goes in the house. She may not sit on any furniture. I have tried all these things on and off, but never all of it at the same time. Now, finally, she is trying. 3 of the past 4 days have been dry. Not even going to discuss the overnights. Sigh.

I have one more idea before I resort to using an alarm on the underwear. The placebo effect. I am going to give her a vitamin and tell her it is an anti- urination pill. I have not got it all fine tuned yet, but my idea in general is to say, this will make you able to go potty when you need too, instead of in your undies- pull up- pants- whatever. I will make up a side effect, maybe it could give you a headache, but it will help your P come out where it is supposed to. It is very powerful but you still have to do the work to go into the bathroom, on to the toilet. So there it goes. I am going to start after the weekend, cuz my little darlings are on their way to my moms for the weekend. Woo hoo. Sleep time. Rest. Prop eyelids up with toothpicks and watch late TV. Not that I watch a lot. Maybe get drunk. Oooh, that sounds good.


  1. Kid free weekend! Drink, smoke, have lots of fun!

  2. Oh how I can relate to your first two paragraphs...

    (and I did join you as a follower -- BT goes with the Eliz Troutt)

  3. Oh my goodness I sooooo can relate. My daughter Corazon was exactly like that and spent huge chunks of 1st grade in a pullup. I am so sorry but I am still in the midst of all of this potty stuff so I am not sure I have any answers. I might ask Corazon what she thinks and see if she has any insights since she did it ALL.

  4. Don't know if you're a praying woman, Essie, but I would be down on my knees, begging God to take over and give me some fresh ideas. He knows what Genea needs and how to give it to her. In any case, I will pray for you. This is a tough road, but as long as you keep showing Genea unconditional love (including consistently disciplining her, no matter how long it takes), you are doing what's best for her.

    Hope you get good and drunk this weekend. :) I'm going to do the same thing after this room makeover is done!!!

  5. Ooooooweeee....that p pill might just do the trick. Very clever!
    Totally going to steal it too. :-)

    Just sat down to a cocktail. I need it after this week's rollercoaster. Cheers dear!

  6. I love that. I tried something like that with my ButterBoy (Genea's BF). Only I said that a teaspoon of honey made him stop peeing. It did...for 3 days and then the flood gates reopened. His doctor said on Friday that he simply does not care and that we have to make him care. So I asked him what he wanted that would make it worth it for him to stay dry at night. He said, if he got to stay up later, he would stay dry. We have done two dry days...I'm not holding my breath. What can I say, the kid likes to swim.


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