Thursday, December 22, 2011

Our Elf

So, this Elf on a Shelf seemed like a fun idea. You have this little stuffed elf -looking thing that comes with a story. The story is all about how the elf is Santa's biggest tattletale, he flies off every night to the North Pole and rats out the children who were giant butt heads all day. There are all kinds of rules, you have to name him before he can work, then he cannot be touched by a child or it could set off a hurricane in Minnesota or something. The elf mysteriously appears someplace different every morning  (courtesy of parents grunting in the night to each other half asleep "did you remember to move that effing elf?") The idea being,  the parent can prevent an epic wango tango just by referencing said elf. "Look there, raging child on the ceiling, maybe you shouldn't be throwing things and shrieking in front of the elf!"

I dunno, maybe our elf is broken.

I had some concern about my children naming their elf. My daughters have been known to select odd names for their dolls and multiplying multiples of stuffed animals. Genea, she is a practical little girl and she gives her things names that are easy to remember. Dolphie, for example, is her dolphin pillow pet. Zeebie, her stuffed zebra. Her favorite doll is named  Alissa, and that is about as wildly creative as she gets. She has a bear named Bearie.  Everyone else gets dumped on the floor, unidentified.

Teena, she has some more creative names for her non ambulatory fuzzy things. However, they are not exactly typical names. Well, and I think there is really no great way to put this, they are not typical unless you are a stripper. Then, the names are great. She has a raccoon named Cherry. Her two favorite dolls are named Jasmine Kiley and Ella Star. There is a stuffed little pet that she insisted had a name on the tag but she couldn't read it. I told her at least 72 times that there was no name on the label, it just said what the fabrics were. She INSISTED the name was on there and I must just not be reading it right. I really thought about it, should I or shouldn't I? I really do consider these things before I do them. May not seem that way, but it's true. Fine, I told her, it says polyester. So there you have it folks, we have a purple puppie Little Pet named Polyester.

Other popular names from her zoo include, Sparkle, Glitter, and Butterfly Rainbow. Maybe they are hippie strippers. 

So you can see where I might be a smidge apprehensive about what they would call this elf. Of course despite all evidence they decided it is a girl. In order to save my sanity from them shouting out names for 3 hours and then asking me, what was that name I said before? I gave them some paper and told them to write up lists of the names they would like to give this elf. I was worried about how we would pick one over the other without involving the National Guard but then had the brilliant idea to give the elf 2 names, one from each kid .  Duh to me.

The lists came up typical. Tallie, because the elf has a tall hat. Sparkle, because someone loves things that sparkle. Elfie, Elfa, and Elfine were options given (ick to all! I mean, I know it's not MY elf but seriously!). I finally got over myself and my desire to have an elf with some sort of normal name and told them to each pick their favorite name off their lists and that would be it.

So, I introduce to you, Ms Brave Tiara.

Seriously. That's the name they picked!

It doesn't tell you exactly in the book how to use the elf to your best advantage, so I had to improvise. Sometimes I holler " You better hope Brave Tiara didn't hear you yelling about putting away your damn laundry, that would totally get you on the wrong list!" (I like to think our elf has a robust vocabulary). Otherwise, I address the elf directly. Also, loudly. "Did you see that Brave Tiara? That kid just whined about her dinner and stomped her feet what with all the starving children Santa goes to visit".

Did I mention the girls really love this elf? They are so excited by it that every morning they get up at least one full hour early to search for it. Then they find it in about 3 minutes. Now they are all amped up,  have 57 minutes to kill, and their parents are trying desperately to hold on to those last minutes of sleep. Lazy ass adults.

So, sometimes it works and sometimes not so much. A few times a kid has gone running off to be out of the line of Brave Tiara's sight while simultaneously flipping their fit. That's right, she will go around the corner where Brave Tiara can't see her and throw down with the wango tango.

Yes children, if Santa and Brave Tiara can SEE you, they can also HEAR you.

And by the way girls, if Santa comes here and sees this mess of your toys he is going to turn right back around and leave. He will think you have too much and can't take care of what you have. Just sayin'.

So, I did a Christmas card this year. I won a free set from Shutterfly courtesy of Kingdom of Chaos. I can't put up the whole thing because I used the girls real names (no point sending a card with their stage names to my relatives!). But here are some outtakes.

And here is the final picture that I used. I was honestly just happy to have a clear picture where both girls are looking in the general vicinity of the camera. I gave up any hope for happy expressions after about a minute. Also I will admit to much photographer error. Whatever.

Peace and Laughter
Wishing you Happy Holidays
Blah blah blah
Genea (8) and Teena (6)

I really loved that I found a card that said "Peace and Laughter" on it. That's my perfect message. I just want to have some peace and a little laughter in this life. Seriously.


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