Saturday, March 6, 2010

Oh. Hell. Pinheads again.

There is a line from the old sitcom Cheers that I remember at times like this. The character Rebecca, played by Kirstie Alley, finally figures some random thing out and she wails with devastation in her voice "I am too stupid to live".

For background, this is what I am talking about. This is what happened next. 

See, I believed Jack Ass when he told The Husband that he was going to make every effort to move away from across the street. I was hopeful that he really would and that it would be soon. Why would I believe such a thing? I can't imagine. I used to work for CPS a hundred years ago and I have seen and heard the selfish, destructive things adults will do to children first hand. How a seemingly ordinary, functioning adult can make a series of decisions so bad and so selfish that it critically damages people forever. So I genuinely thought Jack would make a strong effort and come to the right conclusion, to not hurt my daughter and to not hurt my family. Somehow I thought, he just doesn't understand. The Husband explained things to him. Now that he understands, he won't hurt us. What was I thinking?

I received a surprise email from the ex-wife of Jack Ass, Genea's original adoptive mother. She said she had been getting text messages from Jack saying they had no intention of moving away. That she knew he had met with The Husband and told him that but it was not true. Far more disturbing information was coming.

On the school bus, Genea traded a drawing with her friend. Her friend went home and Jack Ass took the drawing. He photographed it and sent copies out, and texted a copy to Exmom and offered to send her the original. Exmom told me she strongly wanted to have something of Genea's but realized it would not be right. He also offered for Exmom to come over to The Skanks home to watch Genea play in our yard from The  Skank's front window. She declined.

Is there a word stronger than furious? Livid maybe? I realized that Jack has indeed been stalking Genea. That this all may be a bizarre coincidence but has turned into a serious and dangerous situation. There is a grown man stalking my 6 year old daughter. Not just any grown man but one who used to be her adoptive parent. Not just any parent but a parent who had most certainly caused her many of the problems she has. That caused her Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and either caused her Reactive Attachment Disorder or exponentially worsened it. And he is sitting on his unemployed ass across the street from my home watching her through the windows. Oh. My. God.

My head has been spinning for 3 days. I feel like I must be having a traumatic stress reaction of my own. My neck muscles are hard, like plastic hard and I can barely move it. I can't force myself to relax. Even now, typing this I am consciously trying to make my leg muscles relax and as I do it my back tenses up. I have a headache that feels like a brick is strapped to my forehead and wrapped around. My stomach is a nervous knot and at just about any random moment I could puke. I could seriously blow at any second and I find myself interpreting things oddly. I hear every car that goes by on the street, even from the back of my house. Jack Ass drives a loud pick up truck and I am monitoring for that particular sound constantly. I don't have to get up to know if he is coming or going. It occurs to me that this is hypervigilance and someday soon I am going to analyze these moments in terms of Genea's experiences. But not today. This really is unimaginable. All of it, the whole thing. How the fuck did this happen?

I spent probably 10 hours with my face ground into the computer screen doing research on restraining orders. Digging through old reports from prior to our adoption that showed possibly abusive parenting by him. Finding dates and documentation. Yesterday The Husband filed for and was granted a Temporary Restraining Order for Child Abuse against Jack. I highlighted every example of emotional abuse and potential abusive effect of his presence across the street and wrote up a 2 page report to submit with our request. We watched him be served today, early this afternoon. We think. A plain white van turned up in their driveway and a man went to the door with papers, then left. About 15 minutes later I heard Jack's pick up truck fire up and there he goes. Hopefully forever.

So, that's that. We will have a hearing and a judge will decide if this indeed is emotional abuse of a child and whether Genea should be granted a permanent protection order. Which would be "permanent" for 2 years. We are going to have to prove ourselves, and throw in every bit of ugly information we can find.


  1. Oh my cow, Essie, I am so very very sorry. We're having litigation/harassment/inadvertently sending my daughter into PTSD because of his assedness issues with our tenant/neighbor right now that is just close enough to your situation for me to know it is NOTHING LIKE what you're going through. But I do seriously empathize with your tension, desperation, anxiety, and probably depression. I'll sit here and be tense for you for a while, maybe it will give you a little break. So, so sorry.

  2. Oh, such a traumatic experience for you all. And what a nut-case of a guy!!! I will pray that he gets as far from Genea as possible.

  3. Wow. Freaking wow. holy crap. wow.

  4. oh, oh, oh, as I said the other day, rarely am I speechless... what an ass he is. I hope the jusdge listens and hears you and that he ( jack) has to get the hell out of Dodge.

  5. Praying, praying, praying, praying, praying, praying, praying, praying, praying, praying!

  6. Oh Essie- How awful- Praying, praying, praying- right through the hearing. This sucks!

  7. What a psycho! I'm so sorry and I really hope the judge will grant a protection order.

  8. I cannot even speak/type!


  9. I don't even know what to say. This is like something out of a movie, something that could never happen to an innocent little girl in real life! You are in my thoughts and I can only hope the judge agrees with you.

  10. I'm so sorry, Essie. Thinking and thinking of all of you, hoping that Jack Ass goes *far* far away from Genea...

  11. I am just shaking my head in wonderment over here and I hope that everything works in your favor on Thursday to get that crazy man far, far away from her.

  12. Oh my crap! I can't even think of words to write bc I'm fuming for you! I'm glad that Exmom at least came forward and helped you find out what was truly happening. Hopefully the judge grants the "permanent" order and Jack Ass stays far far FAR away. What a psycho :(

  13. How completely and utterly infuriating! Good for you doing everything you can to protect your child. This jackass needs to be stopped.

  14. Oh, Essie...this is really scary.... But, primarily from the point of view that this GUY is too stupid to LIVE!

    Among other things, he invites his ex-WIFE to sit in the living room of his GIRLFRIEND? Thank heaven it sounds like she has some bit of sense, anyway.

    I'm hoping that you scared him away, but since he depends on the house across the street for food and'll probably really have to worry him to get him dislodged...and THEN, of course you still have that miserable woman there. Hopefully, he's house-hunting for the two of them.

    My first thought is finding some private school for the girls, but obviously change is no good for them, either. But, seems to me he is not past getting the little girls to do some spying or whatever for him, too....or their overhearing something and telling Genea all about it.

    I am so, so sorry....

  15. Thanks so much you guys! It is nice to have a bunch of people as appalled as I am! It really is!

    I am worried about her daughters and mine. We will be talking to ours tomorrow. Then yeah, we are still stuck with The Skank only now she is a pissed off Skank with no one to go get her cigarettes. It's her talking that is a big concern to me. She knows a lot of stuff that is not her business now and I bet her kids will too.

    We are bringing the TRO to the school because it applies there too. What luck we have pictures of Jack from Genea's life book. SIGH.

  16. I hope you get an understanding judge. Jack Ass sucks!

  17. Shut the front door. (That's my new favorite expletive substitute.)



    Can ex-wife come testify for you? I'm so glad she told you what is going on with the FREAK across the street.

  18. OH. MY. GAWD. My first reaction is to grab something from the gun case and come sit on your front lawn. (Hey, I live in Texas, this is how they solve issues down here :-) A good shot of rock salt in his arse might make him think differently. The legal avenue is a good one. Go for the order of protection. Restraining orders are weak and usually ineffective in the long run. Good luck with the talk to the girls. It could go any of a dozen ways.

    Holding you close in my heart and prayers!

  19. OMG! I am shocked and appalled to the core. I cannot believe him. WTH is he thinking???????????????

    So grateful you have an atty in the fam. Hoping it proves helpful and that a judge will see how sick he is. What a freak!

  20. My husband calls me the original conspiracy theorist...but I have a hard time believing in "coincidences" of this magnitude. Not knowing how he met Skank leaves me wondering if it wasn't orchestrated. I mean, what MAN really wants to take up with a disabled woman and care for her and her kids? Yeah, he gets drugs & sex in return, but honestly, he can get that from other women without having to care for them 24/7. I'd be suspicious of his motives with the Skank's kids as well as Genea.


    Good luck and I'm praying for you.

  21. Oh, Essie. You're doing fabulous with the circumstances. Maybe the judge can grant you restitution money to pay for the margaritas you're going to need.

  22. Margaritas!!! That's an unexpected thought. I'm ready to join you in that level of proactivity.

  23. I've just read your last couple of posts and WOW. What a freak and a nightmare sitation to be in!

    I'm with Erica; I dont believe in coincidences either. Especially not ones this big. I'm glad you are moving on that restraining order. And I'm sure you already know this but document EVERYTHING.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog today!

  24. I agree with Kate's comment, can ex-wife come before the judge and say why this is in Genea's best interest? Share what she knows?

    You are doing a great job, you and Hubs!

  25. Yep, Jack will have to pay court costs, I will ask if they will include the cost of margarita's too, LOL!

    Wendy, grabbing a little something out the gun case is a great idea. Restraining order and protective order are the same here.

    I think I figured out his motivation- he gets to be "the hero". He takes care of Skank who needs him, and the kids, who need someone to take care of them. He probably gives himself huge props for helping the sick and needy. Such kindness! Then, he gets to be involved with Genea, maybe even develop a relationship with her. Then he gets to hand over on a silver platter what Exmom wants more than anything, which is some connection to Genea, pics and info. He can tell his parents he is renewing his relationship with Genea too. All without ever having to take care of her for one minute.

    Exmom said she will come to court if she has to but does not want to. I would rather keep her uninvolved too. She has been nothing but responsible, respectful and genuine. I asked her to write up a statement, which she has not responded yet. I think she will because I told her I will bring her email to court if I have to. Which was not written in a polite way, which was possibly due to my calling Jack a useless fucktard moron. Which is also not polite but is as good as I can do.

  26. O.M.G....This guy is really sick. It sounds like he even sought after the skank, because of her location (across from G). I hope that he realizes he has been caught and stays away. I agree this guy is potentially dangerous. Be careful.

  27. I am so shocked and very mad. I can't imagine what you must be feeling like, even though you did a pretty good job of describing your feelings.

    I am so glad you have now gone the legal route, and I will be keeping fingers crossed that it produces results that can protect Genea from being hurt any further. Is there any chance of legal action to prevent the Skank from being harmful as well?

    Please find some ways to take care of yourself so you can begin to process this trauma.

  28. I am really hoping things go y'all's way in court! It is such a painful and difficult situation for y'all and Genea needs to be safe from all of that. I am so sorry you are going through this!

  29. I am so sorry you, your daughter and your family have to go through all of this. What a selfish and sick man.

    Good luck with the hearing. Hopefully the judge will realize how damaging his presence can be to your daughter.

  30. Truly horrific. I have no idea how you feel about exmom, considering you are dealing with the aftermath of it all, but would you possibly be willing to give her something - a picture or whatever, for her willingness to cooperate? If that's too much, I understand. But she's trying to do the right thing - help you protect Genea, I think. Maybe with her help, you can get the 2 year RO, and maybe that will even make Skank move so she can be with Jack ass. Just a thought. I can't even imagine going through something like this.

  31. I did offer Exmom some drawings and stuff actually. I keep a photo site for her, and send her email updates but didn't realize or think about sending her stuff. So, now I will. Or, I offered to.

    I know, it's sick! He is so stupid, I don't understand how he has lived so long. Now I am hoping for a good judge. I HATE court. I can't talk, it freaks me out! I mean, I will have to talk but I will be freaked out about it.

  32. Oh good lord. I am puzzled as to how they adopted a child in the first place. How did they (he) pass a background check and homestudy? How did he fill out all the forms, considering how terribly fucking stupid he is? Wonders never cease.

    Hopefully you can get ExMom to testify in court. If nothing else, a statement from her and/or the emails will certainly help and back up your case.

    I was sick a couple weeks, then out of town for ten days, so just catching up on your posts now. I'm so so so very sorry you are in the middle of this.

    And maybe I missed part of the story somewhere, but did Jack abuse your daughter when she lived with them to the point you can prove and document it, in addition to the disruption? If so, that is aweful it happened, but the documentation will give you the best leg to stand on in court.

    Hugs to you!

  33. KSN, I have old medical reports that indicate some questionable parenting so you better believe I wrote about it all in the complaint and have my copies ready.
    He has no background problems except a few speeding tickets, I checked!
    Exmom did say she will write up the messages she has received but I am not counting on it until I see it. I do have her original email printed out, and also ready in my stack to go.

  34. You know, we'd all be happy to come over and have a chat with him. Sucks.

  35. I just keep thinking how nice it would be to have something nasty on the outside of your window shades, and when the girls are in the house you can lower the shades so JackAss can get an eyeful of what he didn't expect.

    But I suppose that is illegal 'cause all the cars going by could see it to.

    Maybe just the words "My daughter is being stalked by the creep at #123." Hmmmm....


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