Unimaginable

The most bizarre, unimaginable, horrible thing has happened. The woman who lives across the street and down one house came over today when the kids got home from school, and asked to speak with me in my driveway. Alone. Okay, so I sent the kids in the house and went out.

She tells me a man's name. She says, he is staying with me. The name is of the man, the original Dad, who with his wife, adopted Genea from Ukraine. The couple who went to Ukraine, adopted Genea and brought her to this country. That man. They divorced quickly after they terminated the adoption a couple of years back. I don't know what either of them has been doing since, but now he lives across the street. Evidently with his new girlfriend and her 2 children.

I must be in shock. If I so much as crack open the place in my brain that realizes what this will do to Genea, if I open so much as a sliver, all hell comes careening down.

This fucking moron knew where we lived. He brought some of Genea's stuff over when we were transitioning her here. He knows what he is doing. He was so indifferent to her at the time, I am not worried that he has some strange intention. He has lived there for about 3 months now, and we never knew. Although, I mentioned to The Husband just a week ago- look at that truck in the driveway at The Skank's house.... it has been parked exactly there and it never leaves. Whoever is living with her right now, he must not have a job and he must not ever go anywhere because that truck is always in that exact spot. He is not a bad person. I don't worry that he was abusive to Genea. The Skank assures me that however The Husband and I see fit to handle this, they will comply. He has been deliberately avoiding contact with Genea and that is apparent because I rarely have seen him. I have seen him from across the street myself and not recognized him. Of course, I wasn't really expecting to look for him. Of course there are a half million other places the jackass could live.

I just cannot believe this kind of bullshit is happening. What. The. Fuck.

Genea lived with the original adopting couple for almost 3 years, until she was four. So she will remember him. The Skank suggested we tell Genea that is the man's twin brother. Brilliant fucking idea lady.

So. We are going to wait a bit, think it through and consult with some other people. There is not really a book or therapy technique that will guide us through this kind of shit. The Husband is going to talk with the man and try to figure out what is going on, what his intentions are.

I just.... what this will do to Genea.... I just can't even think. The word "catastrophic" keeps coming into my brain. She doesn't talk about them, I know she would not want to live with him or anything like that. I am guessing she will barely remember him. But she will have a visceral recognition and it will be very, very, bad. Of his voice maybe, his posture. We can't just sit and wait and see what happens. If she notices him in some way, it will be all over. We are going to have to confront and control the possibilities within the ridiculously thin margin we have available. Fucking moron. It wasn't enough to screw her up by disrupting their adoption in the first place. Now he has to move in across the street? I mean, we can't make him move away. We can't control where he lives.

I don't even know what Genea will think. That we are giving her back? Sending her away? She is not safe or secure with us if he is there, she will think that. She might think she will lose us and he will take her.

Excuse my reeling around. I am writing as my brain is jumping from thought to thought.

SCREAMINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG