Saturday, February 13, 2010

Return of The Guest

When it rains, it pours. Only it is winter here so I guess when it flakes, it blizzards. Maybe I should be thankful it is not tornado-ing. Yet.

Anyhow, this is exciting, The Guest has returned. Right, because I DID need some more exciting crap in my life. Really.

So incidentally, and having nothing *ahem* to do with a certain *ahem* guest. Who likes a sentence finisher? Anyone? There you are speaking and enjoying the sound of your own voice and all you have to do is hesitate long enough to refill your breath, and the sentence finisher has jumped in to save you, to help you, to free you. Some finishers are reasonably accurate and fairly harmless. Not all. Here is an example. Say you are walking past a pet store.

Husband: Oh look at the cute little puppies, I would love to.........
Sentence Finisher: .......rush in and buy one to free it from its prison and train it to work with multiply handicapped children while simultaneously stage coaching it to do commercial work so the sad little children will always have a source of income.
Husband: ....nooooooo....... I was going to say pay someone to clean up the yard.....

Me: Oh look at the cute little puppies, I would love to.......
Sentence Finisher: ............ chain it to a stump and force it to breed for your puppy mill before drop kicking it off of a bridge......
Me:..... uh.... nooooooo...... I was going to say I would love for Husband to pay someone to pick up the yard after it....

Is it just me or does that exchange sound unbalanced? Not that it actually happened, because it would be inappropriate to report on true events. That's the sort of thing that would lead to divorce. So I am summarizing, recapturing the feeling of the moment in my own words. With my own interpretation. Ahem.

Smile. Must keep up fake smile.

It might require a crowbar to unclench my rear end, but whatever. Smile. Grit teeth. Smile.


  1. Can't imagine having a worse time than having blizzards and unwelcomed guests who finishes your sentences.

  2. My five-year-old is a sentence-finishing addict. But she never leaves.

  3. Does she stay with you? If so, does her room need a rug? 'cause I think I heard of one around there she'd probably find nice and soothing...

  4. You might want to take up kickboxing to get out your aggressions.

  5. My face is still all squinted up from the feet-ick post and the toothpick picking. What’s next smearing boogers on the couch? Shooting a loogie across the kitchen toward the sink? Good. Lord. Dis_gus_ting!

    I have a guest who plays with the kid’s toys with her bare feet. What up with that? Guess I’m uppity too because I go “could you not do that?” with a grossed out face.

  6. I think I am a sentence-finisher....only I don't do it with anyone but my husband. Why does he hate it? I really do know precisely what he is going to say!

  7. At the risk of being banned from your blog forever ... I often take off my shoes and curl my legs up underneath me on sofas. Why? Because my feet don't reach the ground and it hurts my back to sit any other way.

    I guess I spend too much time sitting on floors, and having little boys jump around with and without shoes on the sofa, to worry anymore about how clean the sofa is if I want to lie down on it. I put my hands under my head so it doesn't touch.

  8. Send her across the street... why didn't I think of that? Set her up on the rug to sleep- also a great suggestions!

  9. How long will she be there? Aren't you tempted to jump in and start finishing every single one of her sentences?


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