Sunday, February 28, 2010

Germs are Scared of RAD

Have I mentioned lately how great Miami was? Really it wasn't even like being on vacation. It was like I was in the place I was meant to live forever. 

Coming home of course, was a major slap to the face, hands and any other bits of exposed flesh recoiling from the cold. It was overcast and snowing. Oh yeah, and cold. I am so tired of cold. But, enough of my whining on that subject. Here is another one.

Teena got really sick at my Mom's house. She came back to us with a fever of 102 degrees, vomiting and oooooh soooooo crabby. Actually she's pretty cute when she's sick which may sound awful but it's true. That lasted a couple days. As Teena's viral whatever was letting up, The Husband came down with some sort of mucousy mini- mono type of thing. He slept and coughed and gagged then slept more for a few days. Just as he was winding up with his (totally NOT cute) sickness, here comes a sore throat on me. It doesn't feel like strep so I ignore it. But when 4 ibuprofen fail to make a dent in the pain I decide to go to the doctor. Strep. Sure! Of course!

And where is Genea? Well, she could be anywhere because as usual she is just fine. She has been on a tear and has begun the healing process by applying her special type of revenge on us for vacationing. It is taking all of her energy to exert her control on issues such as picking up all the socks except for one. Or pouting over invented nonsense. Or screaming hysterical fits over not being allowed to take her sisters toy. Or asking so many b.s. questions that she is banned from asking for anything for the next 4 hours (Is this the bag? This bag? Is this the bag you mean? This bag right here? Is there any other bag?). Drinking water out of the toothpaste cap (forbidden, ick!) but declining water from a cup. Refusing to go to her room. Refusing to do as she is told. Waiting an extra 5 seconds before answering you. Arguing, instigating etc etc etc. Anyway, she is not sick. Not a sign nor symptom anywhere.

I finally realized, the germs must be scared to go in there. Huh.

(If anyone wandered in here off the street RAD is Reactive Attachment Disorder)


  1. Hahaha, right 'bout now developing some RAD sounds good if it will get rid of these darn germs! OK, not really...

    Two more off topic things.

    1) I love your new byline. Sorry if you've had it forever and I missed it. But "Sarcasm is a gift to be nurtured" is my new motto in life!

    2) I'm curious, when you started this blog one of your earliest posts was on how being a SAHM was way easier than being a working mom. You admitted that you'd only been at it a few weeks, though. Would you still say that's true?

  2. That explains why my oldest hasn't come down with the stomach bug the other one had. Germs get frightened too.

  3. Well, first off, hope you are feeling well again.

    Secondly, there must be some sort of spectrum for the RAD thing. Because while I have never thought of Katya as having RAD - that last paragraph you wrote? That could be her, on a random day when she wakes up on the wrong side of the bed. That's the exact sort of passive aggressive stuff she can do that can drive us all nuts. (It's weird - when she's gonna have a bad day, you just know it from the start, and there's no rhyme or reason. We're just, oh's here again.) Also, she never gets sick. I think you are on to something!

  4. You've got my daughters down to a tee.... They are rarely sick, occassional colds but nothing to hold them down. We have the mad Rad ramblings, but over the years we have either gotten use to them or they are diminishing - some days its hard to tell. They do not however like it when you RAD talk back to them, it usually stops them in their tracks and the fun is over. Give it a try when your feeling up to it.

  5. I also think there is a RAD spectrum, just from personal observation.... And while I observe personally many things I don't like, I have to rejoice that so many of the symptoms that I'd really HATE are not evident in my darling daughter - no peeing!!!!!! Yahoo! No nonsense chatter! Yahoo! No lying (well no more than any normal kid)...Yahoo! No violence or abusing of animals or bad behavior at school. Yahoo!

    So, telling the neighbors we are abusive - I mean, surely I can deal with that trivial little thing, right? And what's a tantrum or two? A week.

    What she does do that seems akin to your last paragraph is say "Hi, mom." at the most random moments. It feels a bit like it is meant to annoy...but I expect on some RAD level she just wants the reassurance that I am AWARE of her. So, I'm trying to jump the gun and say "Hi" to her, first.

  6. Yeah, sorry, I was trying to minimize the problems on the heels of such a nice week of Happy Genea. There were a few other things I didn't mention, lying about the water with it in her hand. Had to be held down twice to stop her physically destroying things and hurting herself. There is a lot more to RAD that we didn't see this weekend. I also was going to add a note at the end that said what we have is mild at this point. As I understand it (fwiw !!!) RAD was initially developed as an extreme and rare diagnosis, and has progressed to include more of a spectrum of Attachment Disorder. The key is in the intensity, frequency and severity of the behaviors. If you have Deborah Gray's Attaching in Adoption, Genea fits the description of Insecure Disorganized and Ambivalent Attachment. She still shows 14 of the 18 criteria by Foster Cline. However it has all become less severe as time goes on, the frequency is still higher than normal and the intensity has not let up at all. Maybe I should make another post!

  7. GIASG, I am glad you like my new subtitle! I do change it once in a while but the old one is my "go to" when I run out.
    As far as SAHM-ing I do still think that it is harder to have an outside job and still have to do all the same home stuff too. It is sheerly a matter of hours in a day and if you cut out 10 elsewhere, you are stuck trying to make those all up in 4-5 hours instead of having 14-15 to do it all. I'm pretty sure I had a few meltdowns after that post that I wrote about but I want to leave it up so that Oprah can ask me about it when I get on the show. I personally find SAHM-ing frustrating and quite frankly tedious but that is just me. If I were a "helicopter parent" I would have a lot more activities and monitoring to do. If I wanted a clean house, I would also have a lot more going on. But I hate it and avoid it so that does make it easier since I don't do a lot of it. In other words if I were better at this, it would likely be more challenging. JMO.

  8. HA! If germs are not afraid of RAD then they sure as hell should be! Little Germies, you just never know what might happen to you if you invade a RAD kid.

  9. BTW...I heart Miami too. All of south florida actually. And I can so relate to being OVER winter! It is 36 degrees here today and I promise you--I will be opening my sunroof! :-)

  10. you ARE on to something! Charity is NEVER, EVER sick! other kids have been drug in and out of the doctors office way too many times... the only time i took charity in the 2 years we've had her was when she sucked a bead up her nose, and when we realized we needed a referral for her behavior!! ;)

  11. Uh oh...hope you are all well soon!

  12. Hmmm...let's delve.

    Is it because when you're sick you are vulnerable and in need of nurturing?

    Hope you're all on the mend soon. A sick Mom does not make for a structured home--which must make things doubly hard for G.

    Hey--what about creepy neighbor sich? Any progress there? Still worried on your behalf.

  13. Ugh, creepy neighbor sich continues. Husb got a text to his phone from "them". The only way Jack has his # is from the adoption. Skank has my number cuz I gave it to her ages ago but they used his instead. Yeah. Husb is meeting with Jack tomorrow afternoon to lay out our requests so I will probably update the whole thing on Wednesday.
    SnS- that is hilarious.
    I actually have a theory that the kids are in such a state of fight/flight that their adrenaline and cortisol and other hormones are so elevated it acts as a barrier to germs. Survival.

  14. At least he's scared of YOU. That's a good thing.

  15. Yes; I noticed that, too....he knows who to avoid.

  16. i agree with you --- i think i belong in florida SOMEWHERE

    minus the hurricanes

  17. Calvin is never sick either but lately Fudge has all the RAD behaviours cornered at our house and he does get sick...

  18. Thanks, Essie, for answering, that makes total sense :-) I kind of feel like whether being a SAHM is a great, fun job or a tedious one depends on the person...just like is true for any job. But it DOES make sense to me that having all day to take care of errands, bonding with kids, cooking meals, interactions would be easier than 10+ hours of being gone and trying to cram that all into a few. I was curious because that post you wrote made SO MUCH SENSE TO ME (I might possibly have reposted it on facebook...). For many months now I've been talking about looking forward to having kids and not working at my day job for a few years because it will give me more time to get stuff done, etc..and without exception the response I get is, "OH YEAH, LIKE BEING A MOM IS EASY! THAT'S THE HARDEST JOB OF ALL!" *sigh* Yes, I realize it's hard, but for many reasons I think it will make my life easier what with CFS especially, and I get sick of that being the ONLY response I get! You were the first person I'd run into who said anything else!


  19. Those germs shake in their shoes when they encounter RAD. I would too if I were them.

    You're theory....I think you're on to something there....

  20. I totally agree with the spectrum..which also varies in my daughter depending on the day/hour, etc. Also agree with the sick thing...Jupiter is rarely sick..the last few days notwithstanding of course. She's too tough to be sick.

  21. Aha! Eileen, it was YOU who put that post up on fb! LOL! I was wondering! I saw the fb links on my feedjit thing down below and could not figure out what was going on. Phew I should be glad it was not a stalker/wingnut.
    Hmm, what DO I have to do to get a stalker around here?

    Yeah Matry, that is what makes it so dang confusing. Different every day. A new adventure ha ha. It is a spectrum in terms of level of violence and social norms for behavior but the nutty stuff can be quiet too and just as incessant and intense.

  22. ...when did I say I WASN'T a stalker/wingnut?

    *evil cackle*

  23. Well, apparently have found the cure for RAD because all three of mine are barfing. For a month now. Just passing it back and forth.

    Best stupid question to date...
    "Do shoes go on first or socks?"

  24. Even when Princess DOES get sick, she does it weird. Buddy will be up all night barfing up his toenail, and Princess will barf once, be "normal" all the next day, barf again, repeat, repeat.

    I think it's because being sick gives mom a chance to be nurturing, and we don't want to give her THAT!

  25. Wow... that germs run from Rad*ishes is a great theory. I agree with the hypervigilance portion upping their hormones as well. My little tyrant is so "busy" he doesn't have time to be sick.

    RAD behaviors do seem to run a spectrum, but what normal human behavior doesn't? And what is it about drinking water out of items that are ick? I caught mine trying to drink old bath water out of a bath squirt toy the other day. Yet most days, I have to *remind* him to drink his juice, his milk, his water, etc. as he'll go all blessed day without anything to drink! Gah!

  26. Interesting theory. My son with unhealing RAD has not been sick since he got here 3+ years ago, but... he takes a med (Amantadine) which is also an antiviral. He always has psychosomatic symptoms unless he really is sick, at which point he hides it from me - can't trust mom to nurture me! I also wonder if he doesn't let people close enough to get their germs, but he admitted he was kissing a girl who had H1N1 and didn't get it so who knows.

    Daughter with "healing RAD" is sick all the time. Guess the germs feel safer.

    Mary in TX


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