Monday, February 15, 2010

Too True Tues(day) #15: Things Worse than Waxing

Too True Tuesday is your chance to 'fess up, tell it like it is, and let it all hang out. Let the truth set you free on alternate Tuesdays in the blogosphere! This weeks topic is..... hygiene we hate! Well, I thought that sounded catchy. Whatever area's you might have issues with and whatever you hate that you have to deal with and in my particular situation what ever of all those that might be caused by an accelerating age of which I have no responsibility for but when I find out who does, look the hell out!

I find myself in a position that requires the use of a bathing suit. In the middle of winter. Generally in winter I like to grow a layer of extra warmth in a natural sort of way. In other words, I am not a fan of hair removal and I cheat in the winter and leave it go. A lot. I have always been hair removal impaired. Either I am walking around with enormous bloody gouges trailing up my legs, or I am walking around with long random patches of lengthy hair. I tried the depilatories, but quite frankly embalming myself with a chemical that actually melts the hair off the body just seemed worrisome. Also, it never really worked on my super strong hairs. Again with the random strips of missed hair spots. Lucky for me that should keep me from any early womanly baldness issues! Anyway.

Additionally, as one ages due in no part to one's own fault, it appears that one's bathing suit area of need, ummm, expands. A lot. Shaving there has resulted in monstrous angry red mountains that take a week to subside, at which point 2 or 3 more hair removal sessions should have been implemented. So obviously that won't do. A few years ago I discovered home waxing. Never have I been the type to go and flap my personals in the breeze for someone else to wax, but I was not opposed to doing it myself at home. BUT. IT. HURTS. On a scale of 1-10 waxing is next to 30 hours of childbirth.

So I have been dreading and dreading, procrastinating and getting down to the wire. Today I got all my mental prep work done finally and got ready to go. Getting ready to go is the bulk of the time consumer in this process as the actual waxing is just, szzzzzt! Got everything cleaned up and ready to go and..... seems to be a problem with the actual wax.... it seems it got so old it turned into a solid mass that will not melt and kind of looks funny. Not funny ha ha. No ha ha at all. So as I stood there trying to process this information and think through what on earth was I going to do now, I noticed something. A highlight.

Strange. I don't remember putting any highlights there. Not really the sort of thing I would do anyway.

AAACCCCKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!

It was a white one! And on closer inspection, TWO white ones! THIS is NOT acceptable! Shock, I was in shock! Devastated shock!

However I realized, finding an *ahem* highlight, is actually something worse than waxing. Go figure.

Okay, so here is what you do. Go tell your great story on your blog, and link mine somewhere in it. Then come back here and enter your information into Mr. Linky. You have to do that part or no one knows where to find your story! Now puhhhh- lease, someone tell a worse story than mine so I can show my face in the world!


14 comments:

  1. Woo-hoo, I'm first! Makes a girl proud to be up playing on the internet when she should be packing to leave at 6:30 AM.

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  2. Oh, Essie - leave it to you to make waxing a funny story!

    Hygiene stories....hmmm. I lost my tweezers because I used them as a tool to help thread my serger, and yesterday I saw my eyebrows in the mirror, nearly scared myself, and had to make an emergency run to the drugstore for new ones. Not sure I can come up with something long enough for a post though...I'll think on it.

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  3. I've been away too long, so I'm glad I came back today to read your hilarious take on waxing! I actually gave up trying to shave higher than mid-thigh and now I always wear swim skirts! I linked my own "worse than waxing" story.

    :) Jen

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  4. lol, I"m with Jen.. I rarely shave above the knee in the winter (oddly enough my knee to upper thigh don't grow much hair.. Above and below- makes up for it). Home waxing or waxing of any kind scares the bejeezus right out of me.. As for highlights- I'm just not gonna look and then I wont know if there are any.. right? Right!

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  5. I hate hair removal. I'm with ya on that one!

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  6. Too funny.
    That "highlight" comment cracked me up. I color my hair on a regular bases but have had "highlights" there for years-now it's to the point I'm just pretend I'm turning blond! (Although old lady white might be a more applicable color description!)

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  7. Two words - swimming shorts. Not my story to share, but this: http://afostermamaslife.blogspot.com/2009/02/to-wax-or-not-to-wax.html
    is one of the funniest things I've ever read.

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  8. PS, feel free to do a Too True Wed(nesday) if you have a story, since I forgot to put up a subject preview this week!

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  9. I gave up swimming a long time ago...., primarily because of basic aesthetic issues, however. I do not want to add to the unsightliness of the world. Though, there may be hope. This summer at the pool where my mom lives there were a lot of nice Muslim women who went swimming in actual clothes....t-shirts and shorts. YES! This is something I can contemplate.

    No waxing. I shave my legs; that is sufficient and totally IT.

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  10. So not worth swimming. Send the husband and older brother in with the kids.

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  11. I am very good at waxing... my legs, underarms, upper lip. But bikini waxes are just too painful and it's hard to get the right angle. I go to a salon where the woman who does is it very professional, albeit expensive.

    You girls who are worried about "highlights" are just youngin's; wait until peri-menopause when "thinning" begins.

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  12. oh my. sooo sad. and hilarious.

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