minor bump in the road

So I am not even going to hint that this is a big problem. It is not any sort of issue to get fussed up about, just the sort of thing that made me think twice. So, thought I would share. Cuz that is how I am. Generous.


When Teena was in her pre- 4k summer school class, there was a little girl who started a few days late. Teena and she became friends, in that 4 year old little girl way. She came home one day all excited about her new friend and so I asked about the girl. The conversation went like this.

Me "How cool, a new friend! Tell me about her!"

Teena "Um, she is my friend"

Me "What do you like about her?"

Teena "She is my friend"

Me "Okay.... what does she look like?"

Teena "I don't know"

Me *sigh running out of patience....* "Okay, what color hair does she have?"

Teena *pause* "She doesn't have any hair"

Me (Ohhhhhhh, must be the kind of friend no one else can see) "Okay, eat your lunch."

A week or so later, I met the little girl who did indeed turn out to be real. And you know what? She has NO HAIR! Ha ha, her hair was cut super super short, just head fringe really. She appears to be Indian, as in from India, not as in Native American. Teena just looooves her. She also has the prettiest girlie name, and wears the most gorgeous girlie dresses.

Getting to the point, tonite Teena was dancing around in front of that show America's Most Talented Whatever. The one Genea is going to sing on as soon as we knock the crap out of her mental health issues. And she said, out of nowhere, sticking her foot up on my coffee table and showing me her leg, "look Mama, my skin is almost as dark as my friend Girlie". This is what my brain said:

*aaauck!!! She shouldn't say that! Could that be considered a racist thing to say? Her friend might be offended! Other kids might be offended! That's offensive! Correct her! Get on that now! Baaak! Yikes!*

My first instinct was to jump in there and correct Teena. Just to let her know that is not something we comment on to other people. We don't talk about skin color with people who have different skin colors. It could be considered rude. Or offensive. Or worse. I mean sure we were in our own home in our basement, but if I didn't say something in the moment, I would be missing an opportunity to teach her something important, really important. And if I let the comment slip by, was I letting her know that it is okay to say these things? Giving the wrong impression? These thoughts conflicted with my other thoughts, which were basically she is 4 and she says 75,000 things in an hour and her perspective is probably that she wants to be like her friend.



When I was a kid, I was ignorant of racism. Ignorant as in, I just did not know about it and so I did not think in that pattern. But in a very real way, that is a luxury I was allowed. The circumstances I was born into made that lack of awareness sustainable. Many more people in the world have no choice but be fully cognizant at all times. While I strongly feel as an adult that people in this country need to be aware of racism, acknowledge it and do their part to work against it, I also see a value in leaving that slate clean for a time. Because when I learned about things like slavery and the holocaust, it scared the hell out of me. That people could treat other people in such heinous, tortured ways... it was terrifying and horrifying at the same time. And honestly, it may be right or wrong or none of the above but learning about it made me look at people from different racial backgrounds in a way I hadn't before. It was intimidating I think, to look at people knowing how they had been treated by others and survived. Fear of a misstep changed my interactions for a time. There was also a certain disconnect though, for example my friend next door was 8, and I was 8, and he was Jewish and I was Catholic and we were both born only 8 years prior. He also was not a girl and I was. THAT was the big difference to me, as a kid. Big kids taunted us for being friends because he was a boy.



Like I said, conflicted. On one hand, I think maybe I should have laid some groundwork with my girls on the subject. On the other hand I think well, sooooo, Teena is right, she is getting tanned and her skin is getting darker and her little friend Girlie does have slightly darker toned skin. And if I make an issue of it, then it is out there as an issue. But then, if Teena said something like, look at that old lady in the wheelchair and pointed, I would correct her. If we came across someone who is albino and she said, wow that person is really light and pale, I would shush her, even if we were just driving by in the car and the person could not hear us.

By disclaimer though, I am in no way shape or form trying to make this a bigger issue than a minor bump in the road that got me thinking. My perspective comes from only the direction of being Caucasian from a Caucasian background, and that might make me less aware than I could be.

Conflicted, like I said. And quite likely overthinking. Ahem.