I don't know you!

Stop talking to me. Stop it! I don’t know you (“gimme back my purse” tv reference King of the Hill). You don’t know me. And you know what? I am fine with that!!! I don’t want that to change.

You know you go thru the mall and you realize you are coming up on the cell phone kiosks. You might have been thinking any number of things but out the corner of your eye you become suddenly aware that the cell phone sales dude has- clench your butt in stress- no customers. Quickly you scan the horizon between yourself and the pretty anchor store at the end. Really cute shoes may be on sale at a never before seen price but is the price to much to pay to have to pass the cell phone guy? It is his job to engage you though the process should probably be illegal. It is probably some management doofuses idea of the micromanagement tool of the week. You try to hug the wall to blend in and look at the floor. Despite your posture, gait and facial expression screaming ‘shut the ef up and don’t bother me you jackass’, out it comes. The unwanted greeting. The greeting that is coming for no good reason. He wants to sell me a phone, is required by employer to greet all innocent mall guests, or is bored and his greeting has just a hint of potential taunt.

It is not that they are just feeling sociable and want to say hi. It is not that hard to just say hi back. If it were just about saying "Hi", well, I would say "Hi" and move on. There is that hint of aggression in their words as they call out the unwanted greeting. You can try the quick- glance half- ass -smile and grunt, but they will usually not accept it. Usually they think of that as a challenge. Ah ha! Now you are trapped. Those great little shoes still calling to you? Can you run in them? Now comes the insincere inquiry as to your recent health and state of affairs. “How you doin’ today?“ Crap. Now you have to give a rating on your day, that no one cares about. And social etiquette requires you to question as to his health and state of affairs, no actual interest needed. I usually try to ignore that bit of etiquette and give the blank face. Then shift to the dead eye’d stare directly ahead of myself towards the anchor store, keep my eyes on the prize while picking up the pace.

Once in a great while, the cell phone sales person will gets a tad bit snotty, a tad bit of aggression in his voice, and speaks up again “Hey it’s an easy question, what, you too good to talk to me?”. You know, you are almost passed him and he is still asking you about the phone obviously hanging off of your handbag. You are passed him and he is still trying to get you, "Hey lady, I just asked you about your phone you don't gotta' get an attitude!".

Yeah, actually, NOW I do. Since you mentioned it.

You want to have a chatty coffee clutch, go to Starbucks. You need someone to talk to you, go to a church. You need validation, call you mother on one of those fancy phones. You want to talk to a girl, call a 900 number. Leave me out of it!

(Actually, I don't really care about shoes, I am a handbag girl but my favorite never goes on sale so I had to substitute for effect. Cell phone sales women may hassle innocent shoppers too, I just have not seen it.)