Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Random icks

Here is a gross picture of my thumb. Everybody say ewwwww! I scraped a layer of skin off on the plastic edge of a laundry basket right there where the cuticle meets the end of the fingernail. IT FREAKING HURTS! AND ITS GROSS!

Notice my pretty nail polish. Nail polish will not stay on my nails, it just won't. I know there are all kinds of things you can put on to make the polish stay more than through one shower but frankly, the amount of work required is more than I am willing to do. Like the color? I don't usually do this but.... I am copying a celebrity. I saw Heidi Klum flicking around with a medium gray color nail polish on Project Runway and I thought it looked cool. It is really hard to look cool when you are *ahem* my age, and all the cool stuff is designed for people who are *ahem* other ages. You have two choices, you can do the "mom" look, or you can look as if you are trying not to do the "mom" look but everyone knows you are one anyway.

Anyhow, the nail polish did NOT make me look like Heidi Klum and I want a refund. Even my hair is still brown! My disgusting cuticles are still disgusting too. I know there are things I can do about it but I tried them and now I am out of time.

Bad news, Cousin Una-bitch is coming to my parents house for Thanksgiving. I just realized today that I have been spelling her name wrong all this time, "Uni-bitch". *sigh* I just don't have time for all these details! I saw on TMZ this morning that Levi Ricki Hollywood Johnston was being compared to the Unabomber and I was horrified to discover I have been writing it incorrectly all this time. Cousin Unabitch got her name from the Unabomber (well, she got her name from me but that is where I thought of it) as she is a horrible person who drops these vicious nasty insults on people out of nowhere and she does it for fun. She is the type who then coo's at you "oh, I forgot you are so sensitive, here come give me a hug" when what you want to give her is a nice big shove down the stairs. One of these days when no one is looking......

Here are my girls being WAY TOO CUTE. See, they are wearing their fairy princess butterfly wings and repairing something broken with their tools. Hee hee.

They have not been getting along well lately so this was great! I don't know what is up, they last about 2 minutes then start screaming and howling. No middle ground with either of them. I think they have been peeing on their corner of the toybox trying to establish power. (NOT really, for once I can say.... no they are not really peeing on stuff lol).

The end.


  1. ok i thought the nail polish was part of the injury


  2. lol...me too, I thought you had smashed your nail with something and cut it too. I would have spelled it Uni-bomber too...I mean Unicorn? Unibrow? Unibomber, Unibitch...you are not alone.

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  4. Sorry...that was my delete above.

    Glad I'm in such good company cause I thought the same thing. It's more reassuring when you're in a group. Not that your polish isn't ever so lovely...

    I'm kinda looking forward to unibitch return. She made for hysterical blog posts last year. Sorry Essie. You know I love ya more than my luggage!

  5. Well, Heidi Klum is definitely a mom, so if she can pull it off, what the hecks wrong with the rest of us? lol.

  6. Make-up will not stay on my face, so I understand that sort of disability. Even when I was acting, I could apply heavy theatrical make-up and fifteen minutes later, someone would say "Annie! Time for make up!" I'd look in the mirror - and nothing! Ash Wednesday crosses disappear too,even before I'm out of church. What is it? Where does it go?????? Does it all just fall off? Or get absorbed? (Icky thought.) In any case, I long ago learned that there is not really any point trying.

    The injury is sad, but somehow fitting...the thumb being what it is....I mean, it would probably look more out of place on Heidi Klum's thumb. And, really - it doesn't matter if you're a mother if you can call on that level of professional help...cooks, nannies, laundresses to help with those dangerous baskets....

  7. I just figured she was part unicorn. But a bitchy unicorn, of course. But you know what? I bet all unicorns are bitchy cause they are "unique" and all that shit. Damn unicorns. WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE?!?!

  8. I also thought it was part of the damamge and wondered what on earth you had done. I happy for your sake that it was just naipolish - great picture btw

  9. LOVE the picture. LOVE it!

    I can do toenails, but not fingernails. And I don't even try. So, kudos to you for trying it.

    (Um, that lovely shade of pewter is my favorite toenail color.)

  10. Triple OWWWW on the nail...I just love the fairy princesses with thier saws and tools....Just say NO if they ask to file down your nails with a Dremel!!!!

  11. Whether I try to do the Mom-look or not, the freakin' 6 kids always give me away..


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