Thursday, February 19, 2009

Keep This Secret!

I have been planning a trip by myself for about 3 years now. Ever since The Husband was curiously unable to avoid some avoidable business trips starting about 3 years ago, I have been planning a trip for myself. By avoidable I mean no one was pulling his fingernails off or threatening death by dismemberment with child safe scissors. In my opinion, that means the trips were not mandatory. Unfortunately, I had no business that required travel. And really no business that required travel to anyplace interesting. The western shore of Lake Michigan does not count.

The Husbands favorite phrase is this: It's no big deal. It's no big deal to be alone all weekend with a baby. It's no big deal to travel for work. It's no big deal to have to do everything by yourself. It's no big deal to go someplace by yourself. Uh huh, yes he did. And a year and a half ago when child number 2 walked through the door, he committed the offenses again. And yet with all that confidence he has, he has never spent one entire day with the kids by himself.

And I have a long memory.
Heh Heh heh.

I finally have somewhere to go. For 4 days.

Heh heh heh.

So this weekend, I am going *gasp* off the grid and traveling myself to California to attend a Beyond Consequences seminar. The Husband will have the girls all to himself the whole weekend. Heh heh heh.

I have not done anything extra to set them up for the weekend. I did not do extra shopping. I did not pre-cook meals. I did not list out activities they could do. The Husband is not a total idiot and will be able to care well for the girls.

But it would be a lie if I said I hope it all goes great. Secretly, I hope they nail him to the wall. He has a big fat mouth and I have been waiting for a chance to let him learn by experience, exactly how draining these kids can be. And, how stressful it is when you are the only one and no one is coming to help you. And how jumbled your brain gets when you realize you have only been up for 2 hours and it feels like the day should be almost over already.

Secretly I hope they are demanding and self centered. I hope they whine and get on each others nerves.

Secretly, I hope to find him laying flat on his face in front of the nearest Catholic church, begging someone to call the Vatican about Damiens twin sisters. To schedule an exorcism.

If Teena pee's on her undies 3 times in one day and runs out of clean undies, well, they will just have to do laundry. I have not prepared their clothing for them. And, I haven't done laundry this week so things are running low. There is enough if you know what you are doing. Secretly, I hope they run out and he has to dig through the basket to pull out their nasty pee clothes and wash them.

So the secret is, I want the girls to act the way they normally do. no better, no worse. Their average. Heh heh heh. I want The Husband to have this experience in all its glory. I will leave out the phone book open to the churches page.


  1. hehe! well he asked for it! I as for your trip and the computer i tried leaving a comment but it doesn't seems to have worked..if it did sorry as i will now repeat what i said. look things up now, like were to go, where to eat ect and print them out. lugging a few peices of paper is not nearly as hard as a laptop. We will miss you there is no doubt there but have yourself a break. Enjoy ( but you know i bet you miss them and their pee!)

  2. Ahhhhhaaaa, ahhhhaaaa!!!!
    I can't wait to hear the rest of the story. Wishing I could be a fly on the wall. I'll bet it will be very entertaining!

  3. If there is cosmic justice, he has a big dose coming to him. I wish you could plant hidden cameras to capture the moments at home while you are blissfully independent! I love how you did not do any advance prep work to smooth his weekend.

  4. you know this will be the only weekand where they are on their best behavior lol

  5. You are soooooooooooooo smart! The first time I left my hubby alone with Alyssa was a week ago. I had to go out of town for a funeral and hubby just had 1 night and two days by himself. Let's just say that I got 4 phone calls before I even left the city limits!!!

    I can't wait to hear all about it!

  6. Yeah I don't get the moms who cook and clean before they leave and make lists of everything that needs to happen and here are five back up plans....then have to clean and cook when they get back. Not happening here.

    I just walk out the door. Oh what? No food in the house, guess you'll have to go to the grocery store....

    Enjoy your weekend.

  7. Have a wonderful weekend away. Daddy will be in for a shock this weekend!

    Have fun!!

  8. How cool! I would love to go to a BC seminar! In fact, I was thinking to going to the next one in Chicago. Now..this is daydreaming, with husband in Korea, now I think of it - probably impossible....but I can dream.

    I'll love to hear about it.

  9. Yeah, I thought about waiting for Chicago, but wanted to go sooner than July. I am hoping to do the training in June too. Denver or LA.

  10. Well, I'd bet large sums of money that they will be "different" while you were gone. They will either be very good or very difficult, but nothing like when you are there. My husband travels rarely, but he is actually checking into a hotel across the country from here right about now. And I am getting loads of "regressive behavior", my two (who are 6 and 5-1/2) are acting two years old and suddenly very clingy.

    Sue B (who is excited to be going to the Beyond Consequences Seminar tomorrow, but it is less than 10 miles from my house, so no hotel
    or child-free meals for me)

  11. Oh I know, I suspect they will be 2 little angels. Save it up for me. Umm hmm.

  12. I do think you should call home and rub in what you are doing occasionally. Like, "ahhh, I just slept in until 7am. I feel fully rested. I am going to go out to eat to a nice breakfast BY MYSELF."

  13. Hi,

    I have really enjoyed reading your blog. I hope you have a wonderful weekend.

  14. Coming in late on this post. I hope you enjoyed your time away and had a relaxing weekend. Although I've never left my children with their father over night, I must admit I think I'd be one of those list-making, grocery shopping, meal-making, idea giving mamas. It's just the way I am.

    Is it safe for me to assume that your husband does not read your blog? ;)


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