Keep This Secret!

I have been planning a trip by myself for about 3 years now. Ever since The Husband was curiously unable to avoid some avoidable business trips starting about 3 years ago, I have been planning a trip for myself. By avoidable I mean no one was pulling his fingernails off or threatening death by dismemberment with child safe scissors. In my opinion, that means the trips were not mandatory. Unfortunately, I had no business that required travel. And really no business that required travel to anyplace interesting. The western shore of Lake Michigan does not count.

The Husbands favorite phrase is this: It's no big deal. It's no big deal to be alone all weekend with a baby. It's no big deal to travel for work. It's no big deal to have to do everything by yourself. It's no big deal to go someplace by yourself. Uh huh, yes he did. And a year and a half ago when child number 2 walked through the door, he committed the offenses again. And yet with all that confidence he has, he has never spent one entire day with the kids by himself.


And I have a long memory.
Heh Heh heh.



I finally have somewhere to go. For 4 days.


Heh heh heh.


So this weekend, I am going *gasp* off the grid and traveling myself to California to attend a Beyond Consequences seminar. The Husband will have the girls all to himself the whole weekend. Heh heh heh.





I have not done anything extra to set them up for the weekend. I did not do extra shopping. I did not pre-cook meals. I did not list out activities they could do. The Husband is not a total idiot and will be able to care well for the girls.


But it would be a lie if I said I hope it all goes great. Secretly, I hope they nail him to the wall. He has a big fat mouth and I have been waiting for a chance to let him learn by experience, exactly how draining these kids can be. And, how stressful it is when you are the only one and no one is coming to help you. And how jumbled your brain gets when you realize you have only been up for 2 hours and it feels like the day should be almost over already.


Secretly I hope they are demanding and self centered. I hope they whine and get on each others nerves.


Secretly, I hope to find him laying flat on his face in front of the nearest Catholic church, begging someone to call the Vatican about Damiens twin sisters. To schedule an exorcism.


If Teena pee's on her undies 3 times in one day and runs out of clean undies, well, they will just have to do laundry. I have not prepared their clothing for them. And, I haven't done laundry this week so things are running low. There is enough if you know what you are doing. Secretly, I hope they run out and he has to dig through the basket to pull out their nasty pee clothes and wash them.


So the secret is, I want the girls to act the way they normally do. no better, no worse. Their average. Heh heh heh. I want The Husband to have this experience in all its glory. I will leave out the phone book open to the churches page.