Friday, February 6, 2009

Brown Bag Class on Building Self-Esteem

Isn't that thoughtful. My school district is putting on a free class for parents on how to build your child's self esteem. How handy! I would love to attend!

(me raising my hand and waving and panting like Steve Uerkel) OOoh OOh OOOoh I have questions pick me pick me!!!

Ahem. Yes, thank you. My question is, how do you build self esteem in a child who has been dumped twice in her first 4 little years of life? Okay, yeah, I said we love her, um hmmm, yes, told her she is a good kid. Um, what else do you have on your little agenda there? Your little note cards on how to make kids feel good about themselves. Do you have anything about justifiable rage, grief and fear? How should I handle the separation anxiety and absolute panic when I move into the next room, or even just out of my child's sight? I would love to hear your idea's when, for example, I give my child more crackers as a snack than she was expecting and she began to wail and it went on for 5 minutes and she could not pull herself together the rest of the night so she wailed and sobbed about every little thing and then made some up when she ran out of real things and I am curious as to your insights as to where I can influence and improve on her esteem. Because evidently that is an area we parents have been lacking in.

I would like to know whose bright idea this was. Well, probably I should be kept away from the information. This is the kind of shit that makes mothers or parents feel incompetent no matter what they do. If my tax dollars, which include my property taxes that doubled 2 years ago, if that money is going to this degrading little seminar that says moms are inherently stupid, I'm gonna' have a fit.

Maybe they would like some of my more useful suggestions for a class. How do you get your fully functional child to quit peeing on herself? How do you anticipate a meltdown and prevent it? If my child is in a nice little time out as a consequence, how do you suggest I handle it when she regresses and announces in a baby voice that she has just poo poo'd on herself? Uh huh, and then when she does it again 2 hours later? How do you explain to a child where all the other parents went and why? Yup, your first 2 mom's could not do it, but really I mean it, the 3rd is going to stick. Yesiree, just because I said so. How do you reassure a child who needs to feel in control of everything, how do you get across to that child that it really is ok. It is ok to relax. It is ok to rest. It is just ok now. You can have a self to build esteem onto.

So, unfortunately, I have to RSVP with a 'cannot attend'. My child's self esteem is not to a point that I can drop her off somewhere and appear for your nice little class without crushing her. I am not willing to deal with the fall-out from changing up routines and schedules for the precious pearl's of wisdom I am certain will be available for this ground- breaking class.

(I absolutely do NOT expect my childs school district to put on any sort of class that would go so far off the track as my questions would. But, I do really think there are many more useful subjects that could get touched upon. (What do you say when your kid asks where babies come from? Because both of my girls think you go and pick them up even the one I spent 30 hours squeezing out).)

If you are planning on any classes on how to afford child care or health insurance please feel free to contact me. Otherwise, I am busy.

What went all wonky with my font there ? I have no clue. Not intentional, but oddly seems to fit.


  1. Yep, those folks have no idea.

  2. a. I am getting your comments, my first thought on the lack of ice maker was you out cutting blocks of ice from the river ala Little House on the Prairie. It was only later I realized you probably can buy it, even there.

    b. Parenting training is always my fave. Unfortunately even 7 years later I have to take the intro to foster class every year. I can predict with military precision who will last until the next class based solely on their initial questions.

    I am always interested in the "expert opinion" on hyper vigilance. I would also like to know just how long they think it takes to "fix" a 12 year old who has lived in 14 homes. It is our experience we have 18 months before they yank them. The only helpful advice I get is from an independent family therapist who doesn't count because he won't release therapy notes to CPS, we go anyway. He says it takes twice as long to fix the problem as it does to create it, so good news when she's 12 you'll be golden.

  3. great post. I remember going to a a 'behavoral class' on how to help your kids behave better. I thought it might help. I actually also thought of asking..."well, my kids suffered at the hands of their birthmother and have a severe trauma history and they freak out the minute i say the word no...any ideas?" So yea, i learned the hardway, those classes are useless.

  4. Yea, the parenting classes, books, I have found are not super helpful with the emotionally special needs child, the child who has lived in 8 homes, the child with mental illness. Sadly, I have instructed many of these "teachers" with info that is new to them.

    Some of the best advice I got from our family doctor this last year was "There's some things you can't parent. At a certain point it's got to be considered a medical problem, and treated as such." Sage words from a wise. Now this is not to say to throw out all our Love and Logic techniques. We have to have balance, boundaries, and love, giving our children a real world environment in our home (where else would they learn?). But, as a parent, it is good to hear from our loving Christian doctor, who has raised four kids of his own. His kids are healthy upstanding citizens,and he says "it's not a normal day unless at least one kid has been crying."


  5. I totally agree with that idea, that some problems just cannot be parented, or therapized or learned in a class.
    Sometimes, just time passing will help I think, but when there is a medical problem it should be medically treated. I know a lot of our kids have invisible brain damage. My daughter stopped herself from growing for almost 2 years. That is powerful.


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