Monday, September 8, 2008

Strange Compulsion at the Library...

So, it was really wierd.
Teena and I went to story time at the library today. Since Genea started school Teena has been demanding, attention-seeking, bossy and an overall butthead. And, insisting that since she has no one to play with, that I, her mother, needed to STEP IT UP and STEP IT UP NOW or she would go into turbo brat mode. Ya' know, when you look into a room and expect to see 6 poorly behaved children, and there is only one and she is yours? THAT bad. After 4 days, I started cruising the internet for some kind of something for her to do where there would be other kids, and I could listen to podcasts, and this is what I came up with. The library. Which was good. It was fun for her and age appropriate and I could sit back. I couldn't quite get away with the ipod but next time I am sure I can wire it up through a big sweatshirt.
Across the room was a late 40's ish man sitting with a little girl who looked about mmmm, 2 ish. She looked just like Genea did at that age. Genea looks extremely Ukrainian. Not maybe Russian or Ukrainian, just straight up, obvious where she is from. Ukraine. And this little girl looked just like her.
And the man, he was your average white American type. A mix of some European countries, mostly western.
The compulsion to commit an act of rudeness pulled at me. I wanted to know, was this child adopted? And if so, internationally? Because she could be my little girls sister and other than this little biscuit over here, I don't know if she has any siblings. I watched her, and there appeared to my specifically trained eye, to be delays developmentally in this little girl. Nothing that particularily stood out, just the sort that if you have seen a lot of kids you know what to look for. She probably had low muscle tone, poor eye contact, an odd way of showing distress. I wanted to know so bad if this kid was adopted.
Without my ipod, I had some time to think about it. Aside from the exceptionally high level of social inappropriateness, what would I gain? Nothing. The chances that this kid was adopted and any relation to my daughter was not even a percentage. It just was not going to be that way. But what if there are siblings now? Does the bio mom wonder if she has siblings now? I wonder if the bio mom even knows she was adopted, let alone to the U.S. Birth-mom would obviously be 5 years older, maybe married now, with more kids.
How do you wade through all these thoughts when finding the answer is not even a little possible. And right now, this is just me wondering. When Genea can fully let her mind wander into this territory how will she think about it? Because right now her little kid brain is closed to just about everything but today. For her, there are only 2 types of existence. NOW, and NOT NOW. And she is firmly living in NOW. Most days I have to give her cues to remember what she had for lunch 3 hours earlier.
Ah, much more thought needs to go into this!

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