About 100 years ago, I fell on some stairs. I was actually at the top of the stairs (of course) when I slipped and tumbled down, literally bouncing on several of the steps until coming to a stop just one step away from the bottom. Who puts carpet on their stairs? A crummy apartment building in Ohio, that's who. The stairs were also oddly built, maybe an inch or two shy of the typical length the horizontal board would usually be. I think that's why I fell. I wasn't drunk.
Fast forward 9 years later and I still have some constant lower back pain from the accident so last winter I started to see a Chiropractor. I liked him in that he did his cracking quickly, he laughed at my jokes, and he didn't care if I brought Teena to my appointments, even offering to have his front office staff watch her (yeah, I don't do that to the unsuspecting innocents, she came in with me). But he has always been somewhat hindered by the huge pedestal he has to lug around to put himself on every day. Oh goodness this is a person who thinks highly of himself. And a yoga mat toting granola too. Anyway, so I saw him a bunch of times, got better and didn't go anymore. But then....
Then, a series of unpleasant circumstances caused me to STRESS out from head to toe. And in between my head and my toes is my back. During this time frame I carried an extreme level of tension and every muscle I had was taut from it, causing the injury to shriek whenever I moved. So I called Dr. Pedestal and went in for a crackin'. When he asked me what I thought was causing the flare up, I told him. Stress. Lots of ugly mean stress. K. As he is doing his business, he is giving me one of those generic "Dad" types of lecture. Blah blah blah everyone has stress. Blah blah blah you just have to learn to deal with it, it is part of life. Unh huh. I let it go. Just like if it really was my Dad, I partially ignored him, partially resented the comments and partially felt irritated that Mister Doctor Pedestal Lugging Know it All Talkie McTalk Talk was going to lecture me on handling stress. I did however, let it go. And people, that is not something that is easy for me. I do so enjoy wobbling peoples pedestals!
I would say I probably deserved a medal or something for the colossal effort my self control took except he did it again. My cracking was over with and I was standing at the door ready to leave when he started back in. Repeated the whole lecture. Stress happens to everybody in life. You have to learn how to handle it. You can't let stress bother you in life. I hate when people want to tell me about "life". So. I let it rip.
"Yeah, I understand that" I said to him vaguely looking around the room as I spoke. "Normally I would agree with you". I went in for the game ending shot, blistering his eyeballs with my stare "but you see, a grown man has been stalking my 6 year old daughter, he is living across the street and has been taking photo's of her and watching her from his house and we are trying to get a restraining order on him, so my stress is a little more than the every day sort of thing right now".
Silence. Incoherent mumbling. "I didn't... I can't imagine... why... how did.... gosh".
"Yeah, so this is more than the usual. Buh Bye now"!
Jack Ass is still across the street. I have to say, it just tweaks my nerves to even see his effing truck in that driveway. Every time. I want to scream and exercise my middle finger until it cramps. The Husband just commented earlier this week that he hasn't seen Jack in person for a while. Then we had 2 violations in a row, where Jack was standing in the driveway just watching my house. Not doing anything but standing there. Staring. Both times we were taking Genea to school and he never even moved, not blatantly staring at any of us but not looking away either. I called the police to report it, and they lost our Order of Protection record. Again. So I went to the station to show them our paperwork and report both violations. An officer explained some things. If Jack is at a bar, and we walk in, he doesn't have to leave. That's how the law is. Then, when there is a violation, nothing happens. We report it to the police, and the police report it to the District Attorney's office. The DA decides if they will do anything or not. So far, not. We have reported 4 incidents. I guess I thought the police would talk to Jack whenever there was a violation and give him a ticket once in a while, but that is not how it works. The officer also let me know that the District Attorney's office has some big crimes to work on that take priority. I thought to myself, no they don't. Not only do we have almost no crime this week, a grown man stalking a little girl sounds like big news to me.
I am with you. It IS a big deal. Maybe you could higher a private detective to follow him around- one that is not very good at going undetected.
ReplyDeleteI think this needs to be reported to the media - news stations everywhere! And anyone with any kind of power needs their mail boxes filled with letters urging them to DO SOMETHING about this crazy man. Get some addresses - I'll give them a piece of my mind ;)
ReplyDeletethat is so probably not what he hears everyday. Hang in there, I hope jack ass gets the message and backs off!
ReplyDeletePS I love the header!
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can't believe that the police don't confront him when you report a violation. An order of protection should provide some protection/peace of mind...
ReplyDeleteAt the very least, you performed a public service. Dr. McCracken will probably think twice before delivering unsolicited advice. I wonder sometimes what exactly the law is FOR.
ReplyDeleteThat's awful on both counts: Dr. Narcissus McPedestal and the cops' failure to give Jack a stern lecture (with a beating thrown in).
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, I've noticed through my work as an attorney that some male police have had less than fantastic relationships with women (lots of divorces among the boys in blue). As a result, they sometimes downplay the seriousness of complaints brought by women against men and they have a certain sympathy with men whom they feel have been given an undeserved hard time by some gal.
Not all, by any means, but enough cops are like this to be a real problem.
If Jack had physically attacked some little girl they'd be all over him, but I think they feel that he deserves some slack because they don't understand the seriousness of what he has done to your daughter. They probably think that the guy isn't harming her by standing in his driveway and they probably think that you're a crazed, over-protective mother and your husband has been brow beaten into going along with you.
That's my take on it. I hope I'm wrong and they're actually working feverishly behind the scenes to compile evidence that will get Jack ousted from your neighborhood for good.
One thing you can do is to make it uncomfortable for Jack to stay there. You can take his picture every time you see him outside and complain to the proper authorities about every little thing he does wrong, like parking his truck too far from the curb and failing to take in his garbage cans and not mowing his lawn.
I was coming here to say exactly what beautiful chaos said--go to the media. Call the reporter who does feel good family stories or whatnot. Write a letter to the editor. Of several papers. I wouldn't sit quiet with the officers answer. Some are more sympathetic than others on how they answer you, but that's the kind of answer we got too when comtemplating a restraining order of sexual abuse on our then 16 yr old. I was told by the DA that there was no physical evidence by the time it was reported and the witnesses said nothing happened. (witness was the attackers brother) Cool, huh? I know what you mean by muscles holding onto stress. Since DQ has been home I have been rock solid and I don't mean from being in shape! This is not right!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteOh,come on Essie - we know you enjoyed finally letting Dr. P have an earful. Anyway, I admit, I would have enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteI rather agree with Linda. In our town there is a writer who specializes in "human interest" stories, both good and bad, and he'll take on issues like this for his column. If there is no one like that, the Letters to the Editor sound good. Also, while keeping your dignity and maintaining a "trustworthy decorum" be a squeeky wheel with the police. They undoubtedly ARE stretched, but since there aren't probably a lot of ax murders, they will tend to head to the place the loudest noise comes from.....if only to get you to lay off.
Oh my gosh I am so sorry you all are having to go through this! How super creepy! Orders of protection are essentially useless. It's sad. Could you hire someone to stalk him for a while? Like a Private Investigator. Maybe he'd move.
ReplyDeletewow. I am sorry. In my small town, the police came out every time I called, so I guess it is different in different states. I like the idea of going to the media, except that then Teens becomes the girl who was in the paper...
ReplyDeleteYep. Media. Get everyone all riled up. Play on the fact that this is a disrupted international adoption and that you are picking up the pieces--and not putting G on a plane. (Okay, I know, but...)
ReplyDeleteAnd I like the idea of taking his photo every time he violates.
I think that every time he violates the order and gets away with it, he grows bolder. That's not what we want.
I agree with the others. I'd make a few calls to the local news stations. They'll think its newsworthy.
ReplyDeleteIf the police won't do anything, maybe they can be embarrassed into doing their jobs and getting this creep away from your daughter.
I did, actually, enjoy the stunned silence on Dr P's part!
ReplyDeleteI have taken pictures of Jack standing outside, but not where he could see me. That's a good idea, I will start to do it in a more obvious way. I give him the stink eye too, as we go by. Problem is, I usually have the kids with me.
Seems like I should know someone to follow him around a bit but I don't! Also, he doesn't go anywhere since he is not working.
I like the idea of using the media, I just would be aprehensive about putting Genea out there. Other people in her old family opposed her adoption by us, and so much could get out that way. I will think thru it though, I like it, I just have to make it work!
the first part of your story mad me laugh. the second--what a sicko. when we lived at our old house there was a whole family that would come out and stare at us all the time. I just thought they were bizarre...they even took a picture once of us..again I tought what a bizaare family! I never thought they would actually hurt us though...thats scary.
ReplyDeleteI love the idea of taking the photos and being really obvious about it. I would make sure that the time/date stamp feature on your camera is turned on so you will be documenting a track record of violation that can be used if/when the police start doing their job properly.
ReplyDeleteAnd speaking of that, where is your city coucil person in all of this. What other local politicians can you use to your advantage. Don't the police set their priorities, at least somewhat, to satify the mayor's office? Be a squeaky wheel.
So sorry...
What a story.....I'm right there with you, cracking (no pun intended) up at the Dr. Full-of-Himself (I had one of those too!). Then the REAL story unfolds, and ugh. Creepy. There's nothing like not feeling safe and relaxed in your own home.
ReplyDeleteI would agree that you wouldn't want your little one in the media spotlight, but putting the screws to this "neighbor" by alerting someone in the media, maybe even just a letter to the editor, and taking his picture seem like valid next steps.
Wow.....so sorry for this.
IDIOTS! I read this and my blood boils. I have a mentally ill neighbor who has made my life a living hell for two years. When she threatened to "f**k me up" recently i asked her if she was threatening me. "Yeah, b@#*ch I'm threatening you. I'm going to f*ck you up." I called the police. The threat was "too vague". I was standing in my door way so she was too far away at my fence. What! Should I go over to the fence next time and cozy up to her? NO DON"T DO THAT the police officer says. I just gave up. Everyone in the neighborhood hates her and her drunken husband. They've both been arrested like 5 times between the two of them. She whispers through my fence to my son she's going to kill him. I can do nothing! And then one day when she does hurt someone they'll be a big story in the paper about how many complaints they received before she flipped out and did nothing about those complaints. Situations like yours and this kook are just WRONG!
ReplyDeleteSPP that is horrible! Wow, how scary!
ReplyDeleteThe freak show across the street is Genea's previous adoptive parent. And yes, it is just WRONG!!!