Up Creek Without a Paddle

Despite all of my good intention and preparation and maneuvering, The Crazy bus has arrived and I think Genea threw herself under it. I KNOW all this is hard for her. She can't take the anticipation of the start of school being close. She can't take it being a long way off either. She can't take it that a change is coming and she can't take it that she can't control it. She is trying and I am trying but ooooooh, there is only so much trying that can be done.

Genea has been getting up in the night and having a buffet. She wanders the house in the dark, takes food from the kitchen and brings it back to her room to eat in her bed.
She is also binge drinking water while everyone is asleep.
She hit me a few days ago.
She threw rocks at me.
She cannot walk, she can only stomp.
She tried to trick her sister into taking some of her medication.
She is stealing. Then, she is lying.
She pea'd on herself at the park.
She pea'd on my couch.
Then she pea'd on her bed.
She is enjoying some extended time with the Wango Tango. We all are.

She is a train wreck and there is nothing I can do about it until school actually starts and the anxiety of waiting is over. In the meantime, I am trying not to hold Teena back, but Genea's losing out too. I know this is something that everyone struggles with. Genea was having an awful day, but I had told Teena we would go to the park. So, we went. Then rather quickly, we left. I needed to take them both out for school shoes, but by the time I could do it Genea was in no condition to go along. So, I took Teena after The Husband got home and she got really cool shoes and I picked out Genea's for her.

I hate this. I hate that she is having such a serious regression. Yesterday we were sitting on the couch together reading and having a good conversation. It was the best part of that day honestly. Suddenly Genea flew up and raced to the bathroom and when she came back she asked me to help her with her pants button. Well she can do that button easily but I agreed to help her anyway and as she came near I could smell the urine on her. She lied but later admitted (when faced with the wet evidence) that she had already pea'd on the couch when she jumped up. I sent her to her room to lay down for awhile and when I checked on her later I found her laying on her side sucking on her fingers. It was warm in her room and her little curls were stuck to her sweaty face. Her eyes were vacant, the "dead eyes" that kids with reactive attachment disorder often get when they are scared or stressed. My stomach clenched into a rock that has not let up. It's times like this that I realize just how seriously disturbed she really is. It's terrifying. And I hate it but I wonder, can she ever come out the other side of all this? Will we ever get her through it? She wouldn't make eye contact or even respond to me. I discovered that she had pea'd in her bed as well. She got that cleaned up, but she never really snapped out of it until this morning.

And you know what else I hate? I hate that my "baby" Teena is starting kindergarten and I can't even mourn that like a normal person. She is having her little stresses too and has been edgy, prone to outbursts and miscellaneous fits. The vast majority of my brain is focused uselessly on trying to keep a calm going for both kids and I don't have anything left to waste on silly stuff like feeling sad that my littlest little girl is moving on with such a huge childhood milestone.

This *should* all calm down once school starts. If nothing else I will be better able to take on The Crazy after getting a break from it. Then, I can breathe.