See, I wrote the whole post (see previous post) about feeling sorry for myself over not going to New York City with (most of) the rest of the female people on the planet late on a Saturday. Then, I packed up myself and the girls and went to visit family in The South of Wisconsin. One might assume that proximity to Milwaukee and Chicago would assure a person access to things like technology and other such new-fangled crap. Unfortunately my parents insist on living in the Blair Witch Project and as we all know, there were huge problems there. Ha YOUUUUUge problems, and no internet. Although I knew that, I had not considered that people might want to know the answers to the true or false list of fun things I was doing in place of not going to the big fancy BlogHer party! I got distracted by the 74 hours of driving, the 179 hours Teena spent talking, and the 171 hours Genea spent trying to control everything when no one else was looking which made me sound shrill as shit. So, here it is.
I took a nap. I was poked no less than 4 times by bratty children who had been watching a Care Bears movie for the 89th time this week. One time I was poked because one of them had poked the other and the first one was tattling.
YES! I let the little demon's watch that swill and they pay me back by periodically poking me to tattle on each other. All that crap about sharing and caring makes me want to scream and it didn't even work. The TV is meant for baby sitting children. Where did I go wrong?
I smoked a few cigarettes. They were disgusting and yummy at the same time.
Mmmm, oh yeah, I did it. I don't smoke anymore but sometimes you just gotta' say, WTF.
I tried to find a way to get vodka into a juice box. I have been so far unsuccessful. However, I found that sucking the vodka straight from the bottle is just as efficient. Probably more so.
Sadly I just cannot get really toasted with these children living here since they require all my powers of observation be on them and focused at all times. I have not actually tried to get vodka into a juice box but I think it is a brilliant idea that would not require too much effort. Maybe a super tiny funnel or one of those great syringe things for liquid medicine.
I wore a fancy new dress "donated" to me by a super fancy dress designer in the hopes that I would wear it and describe it on my blog. I wore it to do laundry, specifically pee laundry. There. I described it.
Grrr. No one donated anything to me. No one ever wants me to write about their crap on my blog. I was reading a post where the author was going to receive practically a whole wardrobe from donors to wear to the Big Parties. She had posted 3 pics of the dresses she was hoping a designer was going to send her to wear, and I started to seethe. That's right, seethe. With jealousy. I don't have a lot of jealousy and I rarely seethe so it was memorable. I did do a mountain of pee laundry though.
I turned the lights down at dinner to pretend we were at some super fancy NYC restaurant paying a billion dollars for our tap water. But the kids bitched that they couldn't see what food they were complaining about so I turned the lights back on.
I drink a lot of water and my kids complain about their food a lot, but I kept the lights on and did not try to pretend anything had a real or even perceived value.
I demanded The Husband drive and let me sit in the back so I could pretend I was in a taxi. He let me call him "Driver".
*snort* Not true, but the idea makes me giggle every time I think about it. I might still do it though since it sounds like fun. Maybe I'll get him one of those hats too.
There you go! I should probably start saving for next years conference now. With my luck it will be in Idaho or something. (No offense to Idaho really! Just seems like it would not be too much better than where I am already!)