Monday, August 2, 2010

Unbalanced, unfair reporting

I realized that I write more posts about the cute little things Teena does,  compared to the number of posts about cute little things Genea does. I try to balance it out and tell embarrassing stories about both girls evenly so that when they take my blog to their respective therapists as teenagers, hopefully they will see that I produced equally damaging material on both. That I took the time and energy to fairly share their personal garbage with the internet world. I balanced out their need for privacy with my need to laugh hysterically or crash and burn myself straight to the psych unit. The long term forensic lock down unit with the helicopters and dogs.

I digress. Anyway, here's why. Genea does cute and funny things too, but to tell the stories about her in a funny way feels a bit like pointing at a kid with cerebral palsy in a wheelchair and laughing (my brain is trying to leave my head just for typing that). She's not playing on the same field as other kids. We cannot see her disabilities, and it feels like it could be mean as shit to giggle about some of the things she says and does. Right? I mean, what exactly is there to laugh at about Childhood Bipolar and Reactive Attachment Disorder? What Genea does that is funny tends to be silly or a misunderstanding, more like a toddler would, while Teena's things tend to be funny because they are clever or unexpected. I try to find the humor in all of it in order to survive but some things would just come off wrong in writing. That said, Genea does say and do funny things at times like any other kid but with her goofy Genea spin on it.

My husband is a Regular Man. By that I mean, like most men he spends a good hour or even two on the throne every day. I have shrieked at him for years, if you know you are going to be in there a long time you should ask others if they need to go. Common courtesy in my (right) opinion. But it wasn't until there became 3 of us shrieking at him, that he realized my rightness was also a good idea and important for the self preservation. So he does. He alerts us all when he feels like he is going to be more than a minute in the bathroom. He specifically asks the girls if they need the potty. Or, if they feel they might need the potty soon. Or if they think there is a potty need in their futures. I imagine it is kind of unnerving to be in there relaxing when suddenly the door is shuddering from the frantic banging and the strident voice of a child is calling out..... "Daddy? I have to go.......!" It doesn't happen to me because I am reasonable and make efficient use of my time.

About a month ago, whenever The Husband went in for his time, after about 10 minutes Genea would start doing the potty dance and would make dire comments about having to go real! bad! right! now! I will say this, The Husband responds far more rapidly than I would even have imagined (I envision a catapult type of reaction) and Genea can hustle right in there. However, it started happening often. So The Husband started having her go in first, and she would and that was fine except it did not solve the problem. Somehow, after he had been about 15 minutes, here comes Genea needing to go again. Right now! Real bad! Didn't you just go? Yes, she'd say, but now I need to go number 2 (or number 1, depending on which had already been eliminated).

Finally I pointed out to Genea that these sudden, abrupt needs to potty on an emergency basis seemed a little odd. It does still tend to surprise me, when I just go ahead and ask Genea why she is doing something that could be perceived as odd, how often there is a logical answer. Well, I mean an answer that makes kinda sorta sense if you know her and have the warped and battered mind I have been left with.

"Why" I asked her, "why do you always have to use the bathroom when Daddy is in there?"
Are you ready for it? This is what she said.

"I like to go in there when Daddy has just been in there because the seat is warm".

HAAAAA ha ha ha,  LMAO, haaaaaaa ha ha ha
Okay, got it!
*snort* HA HA HA!


  1. LOL 2!

    You know, I envy you that you don't have the problem of children interrupting you while you're in there - I swear that I haven't had a successful, uninterrupted visit to the bathroom in 10 years.

  2. So when you're relatives ask you what Geena wants for Christmas tell them she wants a Toastie Tush:

  3. Oh my goodness that is so funny!

  4. Hilarious!

    Like Jen, I have not been “without audience” in a while either. I mean, I can be sitting in a room with them for hours and they don’t have anything to say to me… let me go to the bathroom and all of a sudden all of life’s deepest meanings must be discussed.

  5. Thank you Genea for my morning laugh!!!

  6. thank you for starting my day off with a giggle, I needed it. I have had this window open to comments since earlyt his morning but things kept getting in the way!

  7. Do you guys live in a house with only one bathroom? The horror! How do you survive?

  8. Too funny!! At least she's honest...and it's a better reason than "because it smells funny in there!"

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  10. LOL, that's hillarious! We have a bathroom that is behind 3 locked doors-- 1 to the master bedroom, 1 to the master bathroom and 1 to the master-throne room. That's where I go to hide out! :D Turn on the bedroom fan, the ceiling fan and the bathroom fan and it almost drowns out the banging & pleading from the outer door, lol.

  11. Smart kid! I like the seat warm too but more so on winter mornings!

  12. Finally an answer to the age old question! :->

    I can't wait to share this story with my husband.


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