Monday, September 28, 2009


Once in a while, someone in my home does something just a little bizarre. They might have done something odd and don't know how to fix it, or something icky they don't know how to cover up. Then we have mysteries. And within our mysteries, we often have a single reporting passerby. It tends to be one particular bystander who notes the oddity that has occurred, and notes the oddity with surprise. Hmmmm. Here is an example.

About a year ago we were all at my parents house for the weekend. We had just arrived and were unpacking our stuff. Genea somehow enticed The Husband to the bathroom and I hear her say "Oh no look Daddy! How did that happen?" Genea has all the acting ability of a roommate on "Three's Company" and so right away my mommy-radar perked up. Quickly, I am summoned to the bathroom. Standing next to the toilet with her eyes bugging out of her head is Genea, and she is trying with all her will to look shocked and perplexed as to the situation. Which the situation is, there is a toothbrush floating around in the toilet. Haaaaa ha ha, I am laughing just writing this and remembering. She tried so very very hard to make us believe that the toothbrush just appeared in the potty and that either:
a. no one put it there or
b. it put its own self there
Either way, she had not a clue as she was simply being a good Samaritan and calling 911 on behalf of the toothbrush.

Well folks, I have no acting ability either. Despite spending at least one solid second trying to look stern and serious, I busted out laughing hysterically and told Genea to pluck that toothbrush back out of the toilet. I knew she had not thrown it in there on purpose (toothbrushes only go on the sink, that is where they go and not anywhere else, storing them in the toilet would be a change and we do not do change) but in there it was and it had to come out. We would throw it away of course and nobody was in trouble but it did need to be removed and we knew she had accidentally knocked it in there. BAH gaaaaaWWaaaaaaahhhh Wahh AAaaa commence meltdown and her Daddy was kind enough to reach in there and get it out for her, using various tools that did not involve his hands touching anything.

So this weekend when Genea appeared in the kitchen with me, out of nowhere to report that she smelled poop in her room, my mommy-radar again fired up. She had that same look of WOW HOW WEIRD to smell poop in my room! She had that same tone of HOW COULD THAT BE in her voice intended to convey her innocence, indeed her shock and horror. I mentioned that I personally thought it would be most odd for there to be a smell of poop in her room unless it were *ahem* temporary. No, no no, Mama, she insisted, you really better go smell for yourself.

Not interested in Genea's suggestion, I made a suggestion of my own. Genea, I said, why don't you go in your room and look around and see if you can figure out what is making the room smell like poop. Happy she was, to bounce off and go poop- smell- hunting and sure enough within minutes, the source was found!!!! I KNOW!!!! YOU HAVE to be AS SURPRISED as I was!!!! The GLAMOUR of parenting!!!

Sure enough, there were 2 tiny little turds on the floor of the girls bedroom. I inspected them.... briefly. Wondered for a second....never mind. Thought about trying to figure out.... oh to hell with it. Got a ball of paper towels and cleaned it up. Genea never looked so relieved in her life.

And me, well sometimes I think there is more benefit to leaving things go. Lying, manipulating, and hygienic nuclear fallout, these are not good things. But not everything has to lead to a confrontation, a lesson and a consequence. Sometimes I think it is better to just go with the flow and move on.


  1. better to pick the battles right!! I am learning this for sure

  2. Ha Ha I bet you wake up every morning wondering what surprises await you for the day! Love your stories :-)

  3. Ha! We've had the toothbrush AND poop incidents at our house before! Nice that you're picking your battles. =) You never know when you're gonna have to tap into that reserve. =)

  4. Oh everyone has to have a mysterious poop lying on their floor every once in a while. Mine come from the dog though.

  5. lol...sounds familiar. A was "amazed" at the pee in his waste basket in his room. How DO these things happen?

  6. Oh, Lordy - somehow with this one you had me literally shaking with laughter from the get-go. I can't laugh out loud because I am in my office working on religion - so I had to shake.

    Your analogy amused me in particular because (hate to admit) I remember vividly watching the premier of Three's Company and remarking to myself out loud that that was the worst acting I'd EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE....and at the time, being "in the business", I was darned irritated. So, I call boyfriend in LA, who AGREED with me! Fancy my amusement when he actually landed a part as a regular cast member some time later. (Dan - Kitchen Helper) Frankly, his acting ability was quite up to the show's standards, a fact I generously didn't point out.

  7. Hmm. How odd. But how funny too!

    I am a staunch pick-your-battles believer too.

  8. I came here for a reason....can't for the life of me remember....

  9. Oh yeah, I can just picture those wide puzzled eyes! We have seen those eyes so many times at our house, always about "discoveries" of things that have spontaneously broken themselves. Am loving that you didn't feed into it by getting all stern. Does it bother her if you are obvious in your laughter? (Our son has a special sensitivity to that.)

  10. Ok, I'm obviously not living your life, but I'm wondering HOW this could not be one of those battles to be picked? I catch my girls in their little "fibs," which fortunately for me, is all we've dealt with so far, and we talk about how / why they felt the need to lie. At our house, there's no pooping anywhere but in the correct receptical, nothing is ever spilled without prompt reporting, etc. Letting something like this go just doesn't seem right to me. Could you explain the reasoning behind letting her get away with it? Won't it just come back to bite you in the a$$ another day when she does it again and you're not in the same forgiving state of mind? To me, this is major...I am confused...

  11. LOVE it. Every child must possess those poor acting abilities. It makes me want to bang my head into a wall - screaming "I AM NOT STUPID. STOP THINKING I AM STUPID". I like your method better. You show great restraint :)

  12. I should clarify.... the 2 little poops were tiny little things. No one squatted down and poo'd on the floor! It looked to me like maybe someone did not wipe well enough and 2 teensy little crumbs of poo crusted up and fell off of someones rear end later. I would not have recognized them as poop had it not been brought to my attention. They were that small.
    To repeat--- No one pooped on the floor! Crimeny!

  13. Thank God for kids who make us laugh!


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