Monday, September 14, 2009

How I spent my September vacation

Hi Y'all, I's back! I had 3 full days in Virginia with 2 days of travel. It was lovely! I came home yesterday at about 1:00, and the calm peaceful feelings lasted until about 5:30. So, roughly 4 hours and 29 minutes longer than the last time I went away for a break. The class was good and I will go into it quite a bit later.

Virginia is a nice state, I think I had only driven through it before. I was surprised at the foresty nature, I had thought it would be more tropical-ish. Palm tree's and stuff. Homes that I saw were gorgeous, similar to Charleston where they are all tall, 2-3 stories high and skinny. Many with rooftop decks for viewing the ocean. The beach was fabulous! Surfers, and parachute surfers, military jets practicing, weirdo's, and mild temperature in the water. One thing freaked me out, on the beach all of a sudden, the sand started running sideways in the shape of a crab but the color of the sand. Not supposed to do that!

I don't think I have ever taken a trip where so many little things have gone wrong. And the city of Detroit seems to have put a curse on me. Not sure why, possibly due to my allegiance to the Denver Avalanche hockey team from the 90's. I had stops in Detroit both ways, and both times I got stuck with what apparently was a teenage boy driving the airplane. A teenage boy with RAD out of his parents sight for the first time. A boy who had just recently watched the movie Top Gun. It was a wild ride! In the Detroit airport they have this long tunnel thing in between terminals. It looks like it was intended to be really funky and cool in there with multicolored back lit panels lining the sides of the walls, and you can walk on the ground or on those moving walkway things (genius, those walkways, I want one going to my laundry room and back). Anyway, the panels keep it just dimly lit in the first place, but when several panels go out at one time just as a certain Accidental Mommy is trying to maneuver her self and her far too heavy bag off a genius walkway, it should lead to disaster. Fortunately when the lights went out it was just before it was time for me to jump off and so I was prepared. Sort of. But, there were no injuries and so sadly, no multi million dollar settlement for me. (Back to trying to earn a living through couch sitting *sigh*).

Got on the plane to Norfolk and..... turns out it was broken. Some jackass broke the plane, my guess would be a pilot driving like a teenage boy. Had to deplane, as they call it. Everyone was saying "I am so glad they discovered the problem before we took off!" which is one way to look at it. My way to look at it is, keep your stupid planes fixed up in the first place. Are you kidding me? You got us all crammed into this soda can, charged all that money including $20 extra because I had a suitcase, and then discovered it needed some "routine maintenance"? How many kinds of stupid were involved in that little failure? Anyway, got back off the plane and wow, the counter staff was one nasty, cranky group. All of us potentially Lost passengers were being pretty reasonable about the whole thing but every time someone went to ask at the counter what was going on they acted like Janice Dickenson without her morning coffee and xanax. Not that I know her, but I have an image in my mind. I thought I might be stuck in Michigan for my entire vacation and was trying to think of all the people I know in the state. Which is like 4 or 5 people, and I thought, well I know this one mom who let an opossum live in her garage for a week so surely she would let me crash in her garage assuming the opossum is gone. But then I realized, all the people I know in Michigan are blog friends whom I don't actually know, and my one cousin The Uni-Bitch and I would rather sleep in a garage with vermin than stay with her. Fortunately, it just took about an hour of airport sitting and we were off again.

Worst of all the minor offenses, the Detroit airport has no Starbucks. They have another coffee brand which is not Starbucks. Probably Coffee to the Redwings or something.

I discovered a way to drive the Bush family out of business and solve the nations oil problems. Plop me in Virginia Beach and every few minutes drag a shower squeegee over my face. Oil a'plenty. I have had oily skin my whole life but it went into overdrive there. Oh! And I got to have grits! I love grits, real southern grits! Yummmy!

When it was most regrettably time to leave, I called for a shuttle to the airport. The woman on the phone asked me what town, so I told her. She said, no what town? I repeated. She said, the town Miss, I need to know the town. OH! The time. She needed the time. T- aiiiiii- me. Not T- ahhhhhhw-mn. Hee hee.

The girls missed me, both of them! Genea kept saying, "I'm just so happy you are home Mama!". And The Husband kept up with them and the house which was also a great improvement over the last trip I took. However, he took a half day off of work today to recover. I don't make it up people, I just report the facts. Mmmm hmmm.

Ok, so tomorrow is Too True Tuesday and here is the subject. The best bad parenting advice you ever were given. Like, from a social worker or your mom, or a friend with no kids. The dumbest well intentioned thing anyone ever told you. You can even make a list if you want because I am personally having a hard time picking out of the top few dumb things.


  1. Oooh, I am going to have to start a list for tomorrow. Darn, I just started this trying to be positive thing today...Hmmm... maybe just a couple... we'll see.

  2. Glad you're home and home survived.

    So proud you ate grits. Even better made with milk and parmesan cheese.

  3. You absolutely could have stayed with this blog friend in Michigan! That would have worked out really great - an opossum???? I let MAXIM stay in MY house THREE YEARS - come on! I could handle you for a few days.

    I can't wait to hear about the conference. I think it is too funny your husband had to "rest up" after his taxing weekend.

  4. Oh - BTW - I suppose you will now be dispensing your own WISE parenting advice? I mean, I don't think you are ALLOWED to become a "Parent Trainer" and not do some of that.

    So, I'm thinking that this is just step one - this strategy of having us "cleanse ourselves" of all old, bad parenting advice. Right?


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