*shudder* Going off the grid

Horror of horrors! We are going to Chicago for the weekend for my grandmother's 90th birthday party. We will be staying at my parents house down in The South of Wisconsin and they have- get this- dial up internet. Oh yeah, its true. The last time I tried to use my moms computer to check email it took over a half hour to load the page. Horrors!!!! To use a cell phone I have to go to the 2nd story of the house and stand where I can see the window and aim towards it, but NOT standing next to it. They barely have electricity at all. It's like Little House on the Prairie, but not in a cool way.


When I got the invitation to this party, it said "Surprise Party for Grandma's 90th Birthday". My first thought was, oh no that is not a great idea. I don't think it is ever a great idea to surprise someone that old. All kinds of things could happen from a small bit of leakage all the way up to a coronary! No good things! Turns out though, that the surprise is some old relatives from out of state are coming. The relatives of someone 90 years old have to be in that age range. People on that side of the family don't drink alcohol which dulls things a bit, but I am bringing a bottle of vodka and one of rum so either things will liven up, or pissed off teetotallers will be interesting. I think I win either way.



This is the side of the family where the women folk are expected to do their householdly duties and the men are expected to lay on their butts watching their cheeks expand. (On the other side, the expectations are basically the same but, we all complain about it voraciously. Here, we are supposed to be quiet about it and just do the so called womanly thing.) (really one of these days my womanly foot will land where the sun don't shine).

So, things will be desperate for a bit. I can pick up my email from my cell phone and so can get comments that way. I was devastated to discover that I could not pick up http://www.tmz.com/ on my phone! How the hell am I supposed to obsessively read every little nuance of Michael Jacksons life after death without the internet? I found out I could get twitter updates, but they are sadly short and unfulfilling. I will get them on my phone anyway since they are all I will have. I am having to sacrifice. *sigh*

Worst of all, at this party I am going to have to talk to people in their faces. Seriously, who does that anymore? I will have to turn my head to look at people and flap my gums to communicate with others. I mean, come ON! Are we going to listen to 8-track tapes of Blondie and drink Tab?

Anyway, I will update with twitter a lot, and got it back up on my sidebar. I will make the effort again to figure out how to respond to people specifically instead of to the whole world. The wonderful part is the girls will stay with my parents a few days while The Husband and I go home and party down. Which is to say, we will stay up until 10, or even 11 and eat stuff we don't want to share. This is strange but honestly it is one of my favorite parts of having the kids gone. I can first of all focus on a book. I can read more than half a page without being interrupted. Then I can set it down, leave it there, and come back to it. It will be where I left it AND still open to my page. Woo hoo! Rock on!!! No sleep 'til Monday!