Kid-i-cisms

Teena at the dinner table: I not like this (fill in the blank, I don't even remember) food!
Me: Oh, that is so sad for you.
T: Do I have to eat it?
M; No
T: Can I leave?
M: NO, we are all gonna damn well sit here and ENJOY each other right NOW so quit complaining and knock it OFF

Pause

T: are you done enjoying me yet?

Genea had a field trip a few weeks ago. It was a big one that involved a half hour bus ride and bringing a lunch. Now, Genea would do just about anything to avoid changes to her little life schedule. About the only thing she would not mess with is FOOD. DO NOT mess with her food schedule. And bringing a lunch messes up her food schedule. I did every crazy thing I could think of to help her through this one. She was sooooo nervous and soooooo worried about it all. We planned that lunch out for days and days ahead of time. The night before I was tucking her in to bed. I was giving her a pep talk, you can do this, you are such a smart kid you will be just fine etc. I said, you know if something terrible does happen, the teacher will call me and I always have my phone, always (I don't always answer it, but thought, hmmm, maybe not the time lol). I told her, if something happens that is really bad, I can even grab Teena and we will run down there to get you and bring you home. I told her this, thinking she would find it comforting but she didn't, she thought that was kind of a bad idea. I was a bit confused because usually she likes to explore all possible options. But, she told me she did not want me to do that. It would take way to long you see, it would be better if we used the car to drive to get her. You know, instead of running LOL!!! She is the most literal kid I know!

stress and stress

Heavy. Sigh.

Genea has strep again. We noticed it so fast this time that even the Doctor said he did not see the usual signs but sure enough that gag stick came back infected. Sigh. But you know what is funny, funny interesting not laughing funny, in the car on the way home I was thinking, this poor kid, she got my susceptibility to strep obviously. Oh yeah... lol... not likely.

Teena told me I look like a penguin doing yoga. She wants a wand that works for her birthday. She has several fairy princess wands, but none of them actually work. You know, like people don't disappear or turn into amphibians. Speaking of yoga, Perky Instructor has a new name. Vicious Yoga Bitch of Pain. She decided to throw in some pilates for class the other day. Pilates sucks. Good crap, who does that to themselves?

My children's grandmother (my MIL)is coming to visit next week, for about a week. She stays in a hotel which does a lot to take the pressure off of me when it comes to the house and such. She however, seems confused as to why I am not channeling Martha Stewart since I am a SAHM mom now. Like the day after my job ended, I should have had an apron ready. Like I even have one. For Christmas she gave me a beautiful cookbook by Oprah. The pictures are gorgeous but other than that, I cannot even imagine what in the world she was thinking. Not one of Ope's pretty dishes had a dancing rat next to it. And you would have to live under a rock in Siberia to not know how I feel about cooking. An.NOY.ing. Sigh.

Segway opportunity to all the other reasons I am not having fun right now. It is cold and it is staying cold and we are all stuck in the house and especially me and Teena because we spend all day every day together and the weather is awful. But, I won't go on. It is all so tedious I will fall asleep from boredom even trying to describe it.

I have a good thing coming up that I am excited about. But, also a little scared of, so there is a stresser there. I asked for cash for Christmas and pooled some other things together and later next month I am taking myself to a Beyond Consequences seminar by Heather Forbes. She does free talks for parents about once a month all over the country, free for parents that is. I wanted to go to to one sooner rather than wait until July for her to be in my area (and Genea would be 6 months older). Since I was going to go, and would have to fly and use a hotel no matter where I went, I thought to myself, Self, why not go to California in the winter! So that is what I am doing. But I am really nervous about going and doing all of this by myself. It has been years and years since I travelled alone. I suppose it is too much to hope anyone reading might be going? www.beyondconsequences.com
She is a mom who adopted 2 kids internationally and takes a totally different approach to attachment. It all sounded a little too lovey dovey hippie to me at first, but as I was reading her book I noticed there were several times she had written exactly the same thing almost word for word as I had either written myself, or said to someone. So I gave her techniques a try a few times with Genea and it worked. But I cannot just leave that sort of thing and say, woo hoo, I have something cool here. I need to go balls to the wall and understand it all from the neurology to the physiology etc. The why's and how's and so on. (did I sound really smart there?)

ANYway, the cheeks are tightening. Have I mentioned it is not necessarily a bilateral thing? Yeah, so as I am typing, my left buttock has firmed and clenched and I am sitting like 2 inches higher on that side. A little crooked. Off center for sure. Huh. Imagine that.

Yoga again

I went back last week, to my yoga class, and I have another one (pre-paid) coming up. I have decided I like it quite a bit more. I did some practicing at home with a new DVD and with Teena who was kind enough to point out to me, twice, when I was not doing ''the movement like on the tv''. I also discovered accessories come with yoga!!! And to top it all off, I can knit a bag to carry my new little mat in! (no way was I going back to the park district mats everyone else stood on with their disgusting ugly naked feet). Knitting and accessories, woo hoo! Seriously, add in a Starbucks or a bar and I could live in yoga world!

(mat bag still needs a strap and blocking to flatten and even the stitches but not too bad from no pattern)

(If nothing else, the yoga supplies will be able to keep the step aerobic stuff company in my garage where I am going to park my minivan too, if I become anymore of a sahm stereotype).

It occurs to me that I might be able to make some improvements on this yoga business. I mean, if it is thousands of years old, maybe it is time for some pop culture updates. There are a few things that don't make sense to me. They don't, we'll say gel, with my knowledge base and the visual input of the (alleged) physical action. So I will be thinking of some of the poses in better descriptive terms. Giving Birth, that one is obvious. Then, The Dreaded Yearly Exam. Teenagers Having Sex, that's another one. Anything with warrior or hovering in its name can just be referred to as The Drank Too Much because I am wobbling with convulsive muscle spasms and still trying to stay up. Laying on your face and kicking feet and hands for a locust pose, I will call the Don't Take Xanax When You're Drunk.

It does have its positives, truly it does. I have discovered that the Other Accidental Mommy (Sasha) was right, it does get easier and can actually be pleasant and relaxing in a way. It really helps if the student gets off her royal ass more often than twice a month and puts some effort into it.

There is just one thing. Yoga requires a lot of boring hanging around. Pose and...... and...... and..... nothing... keep holding and.......and.....and..... shift. My brain does not hold well. Stuff bounces around like racquetballs are in there. My brain does not pose and it does not hold. It does not relax or calm without sedatives. It might get better with some more ritalin, but that might also make the wobbly drunk effect worse. So, to occupy it in there, I mentally compete with the others in the class. Come on, I can't be the only one. Since I would just about always come in, well, can we just say not the top, in any real competition, in my head I can look around and pull out little victories for myself that deserve a trophy. See, that used car salesman did not lurch as far as I did on the lurch move. Might be too worried about his comb- over flopping. Whoops- granola lady is using her arm to balance, that's cheating, I may be wobbling like a Weeble with muscles frantically quivering not in a good way on this one, but I am not cheating! Bring on my trophies!

(uh, no need to engrave my accomplishments, I will remember and just tell folks myself thanks just get my name right).

There is one move that I excel in. I kick ass, literally, all over the room. All over the park district for that matter. I might even call up the Packers coach and offer up some assistance. I could kick ass all over the NFL too. This move is like a squat sort of. Perky Instructor calls it chair, sitting on a chair without a chair so this is one that already has a good name but what the hell. My improved name for it is, Using A Public Toilet. You know, where you suspend yourself in the air about 4 inches from touching anything while you pee. So here is a truth. A truth that I will only be sharing with the Internet People of the Air. If you know me in Real Life as a Person of the Floor, do NOT expect to have a chatty little coffee clutch with me on this subject (both of you).

I hold my stress in my butt.

A stressor or an irritant comes along and before I even notice, I am hauling 2 big round rocks behind me (yes I said round and I am sticking with it, you don't know you can't see me). As the kids start to fire it up, or The Husband hasn't answered me 3 times in a row then asks me the question, or the damn cat puked again, I can feel the cheeks start to pull and tighten. On a really bad day you could balance a potato chip back there. I know, many people hold their tension in their shoulders. Or the neck, or across the back. A lot of people get stomach aches or head aches. I get most of that too, it just starts in the butt. So when the time comes to sit in a chair that is not there, I want to order a pina colada cuz this here is my pose and I can hang here all night!

So I have hopes for all this. The getting out of the house part rocks. Not so much on the talking to other non-short people, but I can be happy entertaining myself alone in my brain (scared are ya'?).

A short diversion...

Oh yeah, this is the cutest picture ever! Seriously!

Oy!

One step forward, 8 steps in 8 different directions that swing out like an octopus's tentacles. Up, down and all around. This post is a continuation of the last most recent one, right down there, under here.

I went to pick up Genea from the bus yesterday. The bus drops her and the girl across the street off in the middle of our block. Genea comes barreling off the bus, as she does every day, as if she has not seen me for a month screaming 'mommyyyyyyyyyyy mommyyyyyyyyyyyy'. I grab her hand, and since it is winter and the cold is unholy, we walk quickly to our driveway and into our house. The other little girl goes either with her mom back into her house, or a few times a week her dad waits for her at the stop in his car, and they go to his house. Yesterday must have been a Dad day again, because he was there waiting on the street in his red car.

ANYway, while Genea managed to be appropriate at her friends house the other day, she has blown up the whole thing into practically getting married to the girl and moving in to their house to be BFF's. Emphasis on the last F (Best Friends FOREVER). Naturally. When you have a kid who has been passed around like a hot potato, and someone shows a smidge of interest in her, she reacts in a disproportionately elevated way. Like she is in love. Like so in love they are selecting china patterns together (go for the Fiesta Ware, always fashionable). Spending the rest of their lives together in sickness and in health. Sure, a lot of regular kids act like this too. The difference here is no one, let alone this unsuspecting 5 year old girl, can live up to the hype. No kid can maintain the opposite half of what Genea is expecting. This will crash and burn. Regular kids would experience a disappointment in each other and learn and move on. They might 'fight' and make up, or get jealous of each other spending time with another person, but they would get past it. Genea is going to have to be coached in every single facet of this relationship in the hope on the wing of a prayer that she will not be scarred by it. She will not learn experientially. She will learn only with very specific teaching to each situation as it occurs.

We were walking up our driveway and Genea was telling me all about all the things she and her friend will be doing. She tells me she is going to a sleepover, next week is a party, etc. She tells me she is going over to her house again today to play and I tell her I don't think that will be today, because I just saw your friend going to her dad's car. Genea turns to look, it takes her a minute because she is stuffed into 70 pounds of snow gear, she sees what I am saying is true and she begins this pathetic brain crushing howl. When the choices are fight, flight or freeze, she will freeze. She stops in her tracks like she has suddenly frozen to the ground. She cries out her friends name and she is loud. LOUD. And I am somehow off my game and not expecting this reaction (silly me!) and all I can think is, oh my unholy hell get her in the house before someone hears her because if one of the parents hears this they are really going to think something is weird. Just because something IS weird, I was hoping to get a little further along before everyone knew. Before I had to start making explanations that I can barely explain myself. Cover! Protect! Save her! Only now Genea is fighting me and howling her friends name as loud as she can and refusing to walk any further and so I grabbed the back of her hood and start pushing/ dragging her into the house, she tries to stop at the door jam and seriously, this other kid is not even in her dads car all the way yet and she is going to hear this any second and get fuh-REAK-ed out and so I gave Genea one last shove into the house and threw my front door shut. Phew. I think, I think we made it. My poor kid is still crying and I am trying to explain to her that her friend goes to her Dads house sometimes, she knows that, and remember I said we would invite her over next week. The Husband happened to be home and he comes to talk to her too, and I am hugging her, then he is hugging her. Then he asks her, did she think her friend was going away forever and not coming back?

Oh.
OF COURSE THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE THOUGHT WAS HAPPENING WHY WOULD SHE THINK ANYTHING ELSE.

Sheesh. Tragedy over. Or at least, tragedy bypassed this time.

And, if I may, I do have a brag. I decided my girls should both learn to spell their full names and learn our phone number (on the ball this mom is lol). Genea already knows her name, but not the number. So, I made little cards for them both to practice with and memorize the information. We have never tried this before, we have had bigger things to tackle honestly. I sat down with Genea to show her what I do to memorize things, and in under 2 minutes, seriously, we repeated it less than 5 times, she had it down. I asked her again 15 minutes later, and she still knew it. Smart little thing!

A Big Day

In the middle of all the news this week, an event that probably seems small to the rest of the world, went unnoticed. This event, to those who experienced it, was extraordinary. I guess what with all the new president stuff, and news media stories about how nothing actually did change over night, but they were still waiting, there was not any room for a local story. A little human interest story.

On Wednesday, my doorbell rang. I have mentioned before that my doorbell rarely rings. It is either UPS (good!) or some overblown person running for the school board who wants to tell me how great they are (not good!), or folks who would like to include me and my family in the competition for the 144,000 most likely to get to the top spots in the afterlife (considerate!). It was none of the above. It was 2 little girls from across the street who wanted to know if Genea could come out to play.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!

The little girl goes to school with Genea, and the other is her sister. They came by once before, months ago, when Genea was on a tear. I had to tell them no, she could not come out. Part of it though, was at the time I was really startled to find kids on my doorstep! Our learning curve here is skewed off in all kinds of wonky directions. Most moms, and definitely Super Mom, have planned this out in their minds years in advance. You know, like, when I have kids I am not going to let them cross the street alone until they are 9. My kid will only drink water and eat healthy bran flakes and twigs and never shall sugar cross her lips. Or, my kid won't wear make up until she is 14. Stuff like that. I never planned for kids in the first place, let alone what to do with them. Then, I went and jump started things by having 2 kids in 2 years but one was already 4. So I am learning, as these things come up, how I will handle the situations.

ANYway, so the little girl across the street is in the same class with Genea and they sit at the same table in class. She came by months ago to play and never came back. I remember being a kid and my sister and I had friends all over the block. We would cut through yards, get in all kinds of trouble and do all the things we were not supposed to when our Mom could see us. It is soooooo important for kids to have friends. I would be so thrilled, really, for each of my girls to have a good friend! So I hollered up the stairs to Genea that her friend was at the door and did she want to go out to play? Genea floated down the stairs to put all of her snow gear back on and off they went. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously, Genea has never been in a social situation that I was not monitoring closely, or at school with professionals. There are a lot of really good reasons for this. A lot. We have only had her for a year and a half. Kids who are 5 have had 5 years to grow and develop and be age appropriate and be goofy 5 year olds with 5 years of experience. Genea has had 18 months. An automatic disadvantage. Especially when the first 6 of those were spent in a grief filled state of terror. But this has been a ''lights-on'' week for her. There are weeks at a stretch where she has difficulty with everything in her path, and there are weeks where she does just fine. We are in a just fine week. And so, I had a second to decide what I was going to do, and my decision was to let Genea go over to her friends house across the street. I ran back upstairs to a dark window and plastered my face to it. Every few minutes, I went back up to make sure nothing bad was going on outside the house. I don't know what, but the first few things that come to mind are an ambulance arriving, fire shooting into the sky, loud cracking sounds, those sorts of things. Supermom would have had these folks social security numbers with copies of the drivers licences of all adults in the house. She would have them on speed- dial, heck, she would probably have gone over there with Genea, left handouts on various disorders and brought Teena too, to supervise. But my instinct that day was that Genea needs to be normal and needs to experience normal and she was ready for it. And so I let her fly solo. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

Well, I let her fly solo to the extent that I was crawling out of my own skin and had to bite the bullet after a half hour and went to get her. She was fine. She did not want to go home, she said, but in the driveway she admitted she was ready to come back. They had just played like regular kids do and everything was fine. They have some unusual animals at this house, which reportedly scared Genea to the point that it was mentioned to me twice already by the adults. But otherwise, just fine. JUST FINE!!!!!

So, the next time the news comes on to announce that today is the first time 3 consecutive days have passed with an African American President in the White House, remember will ya', that the real news, is going unreported.

( no disrespect intended to the new President I just think most of us have figured out by now that he is the first African American President and other things can be reported on)(and I was watching Nightline and the dumbass reporter actually said, on Wednesday, that basically despite all the promises of change, it is still hard to alter your mortgage!)

The Meme

I got a meme tag!

I don't know what that is but I can follow the directions!

I am excited!
From Rachael at http://alwayswanted4.blogspot.com/

The rules: 1. Grab the nearest book.2. Open to page 56.3. Find the fifth sentence.4. Post the text of the next 2 to 5 sentences, along with these rules.5. Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual book. Pick the CLOSEST!6. Tag five other people to do the same!
My lines:

"The barite mine where Dad worked had a commissary, and the mine owner deducted our bill and the rent for the depot out of dad's paycheck every month. At the beginning of each week, we went to the commissary and brought home bags and bags of food. Mom said only people brainwashed by advertising bought prepared foods such as SpaghettO's and TV dinners. "


Fortunately, the nearest book was The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls. I found it a unique book, as the author describes her rather horrible childhood conditions but with highly intelligent and creative parents. My other closest book was Vogue Knitting Stitchionary of Cables. That would have been boring as each page is one type of cable, no narrative even.

So the other people I think should do this are:


Paula http://paulaperry.blogspot.com/

Stephanie Hoover http://parentingthehoovers.blogspot.com/

Lisa http://lisajordanpuddin.blogspot.com/

Torina http://busyintersection.blogspot.com/


---------- 1 slot left open for anyone who wants it!

BUH BYE GEORGE

Dear George,
I watched you get in to that big helicopter. I kept my eyes on the doors. They stayed shut. You did not sneak out.
I watched you fly away, on that big helicopter.
I yelled buh bye as loud as I could, to my television screen. Maybe you heard me.
I waved as you left, my finger held high.
Good luck finding another job. I hear it is tough right now. You should probably tweak your resume.

Sincerely,
The Accidental Mommy

***some content removed for excessive obnoxiousness on my part***

If I didn't have kids....

If I did not have kids, I would not be here right now.

My life, before I got pregnant, was totally different. The appearance of Teena ground to a screeching halt almost all the aspects of life as I knew it. Mostly, I didn't even notice. There have been a few things, randomly, that I have felt I missed out on. And I missed out on them because I had kids.

Here in town is a big 4th of July party. Bands up and down all the streets, food vendor's (DUDE get your fat ass out the way of my funnel cake booth or I cannot be responsible for the loss of your balls SERIOUSLY) and craft vendor's and boat loads of alcohol. And boats on the river. Not to mention the fireworks. The first year, we took Teena in her stroller and it went well. The second year, not so much. We took the girls 2 summers ago and spent the time watching, sigh, the clown band. And the guy with the balloons. Then left. This past summer we did not go at all. That is one thing that I miss that I do not do up in all its glory, because I have kids.

Then there are the day to day things. I miss, desperately, being able to pop into my car and go where ever the hell I feel like going. The grocery store, the mall etc. If we are out of milk, I would rather just live without milk than hassle around for a half hour getting the girls ready and into the car with all the car seats and buckles and straps, just to get there and do it all in reverse, then back again. Forget it. We will drink water until we need more than milk.

I miss growing my handbag collection. I love Coach bags, ever since I got one as a gift in college. One bag however, costs the equivalent of a month of day care. So, the collection (investment, really) grows much more slowly and only in gift form. Growing my antique depression era dishes and glassware collection? Enough said. Reading a book and leaving it on the table while I get up and do something else and finding it still there AND on my page when I return, that I miss.

Ok, so that is not a tremendously long list. I don't wish I could have gone to medical school or joined the Peace Corps. Mostly I have my kids and we do kid things and that is that. If anyone is waiting, I am not going to go into a long tangent about how my kids are all worth it and my love for them is so strong blah blah blah. Whatever. It is assumed.

I felt it hard, hard, when Barack Obama won the presidential election. We were just returning from a trip to the southwest with the girls and on the day of the election we were traveling home. We were at O'Hare airport in Chicago when we found out Obama had won (of course we absentee- voted). Frazzled and exhausted from 8 hours -and counting- of travel with 2 young children, I wanted nothing more than to grab a cab, catch a bus, something, and buzz on over to Grant Park. I love Grant Park. I grew up in the Chicago area, and I went to every Blues Fest for 10 years. I love the city. Love it. I would have ditched my flight in a split second. Cell phone and a credit card. That is all I needed.

It did not happen of course.

We slogged our way back to Wisconsin, collected our 400 bags of luggage, and went home. And I watched the President Elect give his speech on TV. I watched his beautiful family (2 girls!!! Who else has 2 girls? Wait, oh yeah) join him on that stage. I felt such a pull, an overwhelming want, to be there in the ice cold with all of those people, in person. The excitement, the joy, came through even on tv. The thrill, the hope and the collective electrifying energy. It was one of the few times in the past 4 years since having Teena, and then Genea, that I have really wished I had a different life that would have allowed me to ditch my flight, put my stuff in a locker at O'Hare, grab my cell phone and a credit card (maybe a lipstick and comb too) and just GO.

Today, tomorrow, I would love to be on my way to Washington DC for the inauguration. Surely I would not have had an invitation to any parties, but I wouldn't have the clothes for one anyway. I have never been at a point in my life, kids or not, that I would have been able to afford what a hotel room has to be going for this week. If I were in college, or even fresh out, I would be there. I would not change my underwear for 3 days and take a bus and not sleep the whole time and I would be there. Standing in the street, snaking my way up as close as I could possibly get to the action, to be able to see, no matter from how far, to be able to watch this happen. This time, right now, this moment in the history of this country.

Instead we will watch it on tv. I will try to explain to my kids why the day is such a special one and what has changed in the minds of the people of this country. What we have been through starting before they were born and what we hope will change. They will not understand yet. And I will wish I was there.