Hell comes to Green Bay

It's hot y'all, bloody hot. Evaporate your blood hot. Fry the skin off your body hot. Melt your eyeballs hot. The temp today is 93, which is probably laughable to all the southerners, but way up here in the frozen tundra 93 is waaaaaaay hot. I think the heat here is hotter than in the south.

My friend Sarah says you are allowed to complain about one season. That's it, one season. The rest of the year well, suck it up and shut up (I'm summarizing, Sarah puts it much more nicely). She's right of course, no one wants to hear another person constantly whining about the weather. I quickly and easily picked winter. I mean, sheesh, what with all the dang snow and snow days and ice and freezing your nose hairs, winter is an easy pick for complaining.

But its really super hot. Heat index at 108 HOT!

What to do..... what to do......

I decided Sarah must mean other people. All those folks who complain and whine constantly about everything. Me, I am merely being observant when I note that steam coming off one's eyeballs is not normal and this heat sucks. When I become disgusted realizing that the heat and humidity is causing a marinating effect in my carpet and the stench from years of an errant cat and two un-potty trained children is rising from the fibers again, I am objectively noting a fact. Is there anyone who would find that pleasant? No? See? There you go. Fact.

(Actually, I have been told a *few* times in my life that I complain a lot. I don't understand that at all. I make informative observations in order to show others seeking clarity the light of my opinions. Altruistic y'all, not complain-y, helpful! Maybe those people ought to shut their pie holes and pay closer attention.) 

Satan is looking for ice cubes. Seriously, that is too hot.

Kids won't go outside because it is so hot so they are stuck inside with me, who also won't go outside because of the heat. For lunch they are going to boil hot dogs in their little pool outside. I might just stick my head in the oven where surely it has got to be cooler. It's so not fair that we get buried under snow for six months and now we can't breathe without searing our lungs. Sheesh.

See how just a few months ago the snow was up to the top of the slide on the kids playset!

We are under a "heat advisory" until Thursday. Thursday! I mean, that should be against the law! Who is in charge of all this I ask you, hmmm? My dad would say Al Gore made it hot. He invented global warming and now look what's happened. My dad never misses an opportunity to slam Al Gore. He lives for it like I live to smash grocery carts. Al Gore and his fancy internet and inconvenient inferno b.s.. Personally I am more likely to blame republicans- all of 'em but especially that prick of a governor we now have in Wisconsin. Here we have a new governor and the very same summer the heat gets so bad that opening your front door is something out of the movie Backdraft. Seems like an obvious link to me.