I'm sick. And I'm not sure who to blame for it, unless it is that O'Donnell woman who swears she is not a witch (isn't that sort of like the person who mentions the fart first and blames it on someone else, that's the person who did it? The one who says it? ). Some of this may not make any sense, because of the fact that I am disintegrating as I write.
Things are bad when your eyeballs hurt. When it hurts to move them. Eyeballs want to be free, they want to be independent and wander at their leisure. I normally let my eyes set their own pace but it feels like someone is inside my eye socket trying to kick out my eyeball with a farm boot and throwing down those snap firecrackers. Or is trying to use them as a slingshot from the inside. Never let someone use your eyes as the artillery in a slingshot. I tried to search out this symptom in order to diagnose myself with something but would you believe there is no such symptom? I actually invented a new disease! I will think that is a lot more cool when it's over with. I'm going to have to come up with a name. Accidentalopathy maybe.
I would say the girls have been pretty good during my bout with the plague, but that would bring on the blog curse so I am not going to mention it.
Last night I actually had 8 Pepto Bismols for dinner. Let me tell you something, if you need 8 of those things, your life truly sucks. I mean, you take your first 2 according to the directions, then you experience failure. You take 2 more and fail again. Fail some more just for fun. Do it twice more before you can sit somewhere other than the potty. The good news is I think I freed up a lot of time since I should have no need for a toilet for the next month or so. Also, I'm sure I weigh 3 pounds less than I did yesterday. Rock on.
Okay, then I have a headache and all my muscles hurt like I used them for something. My throat feels like it has road rash and I am so very very tired. Like Dorothy in the poppy field tired. blegh.
So feel free to leave your considerate and caring comments. I don't want to be pushy, but when I am sick I count my comments and make a note of who has written what. Not that you have to or anything. Just sayin'. Because I'm sick. Really super sick.
It's possible not all of this makes sense. I hope some of it does. Going into a coma now.
Funny stuff. Sorry to laugh at your expense! Hope someone is taking care of you. Mamas don't get a lot of time to be sick.
ReplyDeleteI am trying really hard to muster up some sympathy for you, but it's hard for me to do when I am laughing so hard!
ReplyDeleteBut really, get better!
I'm so sorry, being sick sucks! I am the BIGGEST BABY when I am sick, so I applaud your writing-ness.
ReplyDeleteShould I write each thought in separate comments to get bonus points?
Well, regardless, send the girls to school, rent some lame old movies or seasons of TV (I'm currently enjoying The Nanny, oh yes I am, I am HIGH BROW), and don't move. Or maybe play them on your laptop balanced on the tub across from your toilet. Whatever works.
FEEL BETTER!
Hope you feel better soon...and hope your family is taking care of you!
ReplyDeleteIf not (and this is all written with the deepest sarcastic font in an effort to be funny), you could always contact JackAss to come over and hold the laptop while you watched...he was pretty good at taking care of skankenho when she was eating her tongue and passing out, etc. (snort, cough)
Honestly, hope you feel better soon. Hugs!
Even when sick and suffering from Accidentalopathy you are very funny. I wish you quick healing and recovery. Put on some thick, warm fuzzy socks, mismatched ones work better and drink your favorite warm drink.
ReplyDeletePeace
I don't know - illness seems to hone your comedic gifts... (Actually, I know how that is - before Aidan was born and I was in such agony I was throwing up from the pain....for some odd reason in the momentary releases from hell, I was keeping everyone in stitches).
ReplyDeleteYou didn't have a flu shot, did you? I decided on Wednesday, OK - this ONCE, I'll get Sergei a flu shot; he was already at the doctor - why not?
I'll tell you why not! Before we were half-way back to school he was saying that whenever the car stopped he was dizzy and everything was wavering. Then he got sicker, and sicker and has now missed two days of school. Of course, he's never actually gotten the FLU.
Ick. Hope you are back to your usual fine form real soon!
ReplyDeleteMost importantly, did you get to finish the book? (I am just getting ready to start the trilogy and I need to know if it's worth it.)
You need cashmere. Well...cashmere is for rotten colds. It might help accidentalopathy, too.
ReplyDeleteYou also need comfort tv and warm drinks/soups made by someone else. And brought to you with crackers.
And a hot water bottle. And maybe nice, solitary bath when you're feeling better. And then a nap in a bed that someone else put clean sheets on while you were bathing.
That's my Rx!
So sorry you're sick. I hope your hair doesn't start hurting, too. That's when you know you're doomed.
Oh no, that sounds AWFUL! Maybe some flu medicine with a bourbon chaser might allow you a good nap later.....
ReplyDeleteYou sound far too ill to be around old people. I think the only thing that might cure you is to get away from cold weather and go south. Maybe to Florida or something.
ReplyDeleteAnd you should buy yourself a new purse, too. Shopping always helps.
new shoes and a new purse, that will make you better in a heartbeat and then you can add some wool to fill that new purse!
ReplyDeleteGet better
Hugs. Feel better soon. At least your sense of humor is still intact.
ReplyDeleteYou have all my sympathy and more. I didn't find the post funny (although I recognize it is :) because I am living your life! We are SO sick here too-- Atticus and I. Although he is currently winning because he is covered head to toes in hives. Ugh. I hope we don't get hives. Are hives contagious? good god I hope not.
ReplyDelete((Hugs)) to you and I hope you get well soon! Maybe when we feel better we can go out and buy new skinny clothing together to celebrate our digestive illness-induced weight loss.
:)
Sarah
Being sick is the worst! Hope you feel better soon!
ReplyDeleteOn one of my trips to Haiti a nurse friend of mine lived on portable Pepto. She was the ONLY one on the team that didn't end up half dead with Giardia but by the 8th day was totally deaf from the aspirin toxicity and the ringing in her ears.
ReplyDeleteGet well soon :)
ReplyDeleteBless your heart! Hope you feel better. Slip the kids a Benadryl and pop in a movie. ;)
ReplyDeletewe've been sick too! So you have ALL my sympathy!
ReplyDelete