Monday, February 28, 2011

I'm going on vacation and I'm bringing a........

Bundle of nerves
Fluttery stomach

Cold of known origin
A knitting project missing half the yarn

Remember that game? Where you start with that statement, or one like it, and everyone adds one thing and you have to remember them all? That's me right now, I have to remember all the things!

I'm going to Orlando for the second annual Trauma and Attachment Conference. I was all gung-ho (what does that really mean? Anyone?) about it but now I am starting to get a little nervous. 60 women I don't know and 4 that I do know. The '4' includes myself! While I am excited and have been looking forward to it for months, I am also feeling a bit flippy. But holy washcloths I need the break- whew do I need the break!

Here's the thing. Some of the other women going have read my blog. I am grateful for every single person who reads this blog. I love it! However, I am aware of a few posts I wrote that may have been just a smidge short sighted. The kind of posts a person writes when they are sure- sure!- that they will never meet the people who read them.

I wrote a whole post about the day I found a white one, in a place I never expected to see a white one.
I wrote about my undying love of granny panties.
I wrote about my "brushie" feet and I believe I may have posted a picture as well.
I wrote, in detail and more than once, about my hair- removal impairment issues.

Now, I am going to meet face to face with some of the people who know these things about me. BAH! What was I thinking!

I went out yesterday and bought a dress. Not a fancy dress, just a fun, light dress for good times in warm weather. Teena (love that little darling, mwah!) saw the bag on the floor and we had a conversation about it.

T: what's that bag?
M: it's a bag.
T: what's in it?
M: a dress.
T: for me?
M; no..... for me.
T: can I see it?
M: *sigh* sure.
T: *rustle rustle, yank, pull* oh this is a pretty dress Mama!
M: thank you
T: but, it not fit you Mama, I think you made a mistake.
M: ................., are you saying you think it's too small for me Teena?
T: Mama look, this dress not fit you, it fits me!
M: (I look over and she is holding the dress with the neckline under her chin and the dress against herself and it goes to the floor) Ugh. Teena don't worry about it, the dress will fit me! (I know, I tried it on in the store and I hate that).

Tonite I told the girls about my trip, and they had the usual, predictable reactions. Teena, she wanted to know when I would be done talking so she could go back to her movie. Genea, she cried. She moaned that 5 days was so long and she did not want me to go.
Teena told her, "we've been through this before Gee-ya, remember before? It's okay, she comes back".
Is that so cute or what?
Tonite when I went in to check on them, I found Genea sound asleep on the floor in a pile of blankets. Oh my Genea. She loves me, she really does. She sleeps on the floor when something is really bothering her. I think that one of the biggest misconceptions about Attachment Disorder is  the belief that the child has no feelings toward the parent. Genea loves me, I know that. She is attached, I know that as well. But it is insecure, fearful and untrusting. My dear friend Annie once described it like a baby strapped into a papoose with 6 cords. 5 of the cords are securely fastened and the baby is attached to the mother. But that one strap, it flaps all around and can really do some damage. That's us, I think. Maybe we have 4 secure cords, but 4 is good!

13 comments:

  1. I LOVE YOU AND YOUR BRUSHY FEET!! (And really, they are not THAT noticeable!) ;-)

    Can't wait to hug you!! (Cuz I know you love that!!)

    xoxo
    Corey

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  2. My! To be linked by you! That's HUGE! My day is starting well!

    I know what you mean, when I suggested you come to Chicago it was "What were you THINKING, Annie!? She'll find out how totally, old, dull and uninteresting you are! The e-friend magic will be lost!"

    Scary, indeed.

    Hap Palmer had a song entitled, "She Never Will Forget You". The refrain being "Mommy comes back, she always comes back, she always comes back to get you. She always comes back, she always comes back; she never will forget you." I've basially paraphrased that for a couple of my kids. (Chanted it maybe - I supppose a paraphrase would be a challenge.) Genea is young enough to like the original, if you could find it.

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  3. Hey! I found it; just PLAY it because the video shows well....babies. But let her get this little refrain stuck in her mind (as it will now be in mine all day).
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLuuY-54QAM

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  4. I'm going. Sick or not. We can sniffle together. :)

    We've been hanging together so long that I feel like I do "know" you. Bloggy love. There's nothing like it.

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  5. I have no idea what "brushie" feet are. Can't wait to find out! :-)

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  6. "...The e-friend magic will be lost!" A really good way to describe it! Have so much fun!!!

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  7. Annie even if you are dull and boring (and I REALLY doubt that) you are my friend!
    If you know where that papoose post is, I would love to link it directly. I had no idea where to start looking.

    Maybe I should get a pedicure before the trip, lol! No time for that, must get 2 inches of fried out split ends trimmed from the hair and 2 inches of extra eyebrow hair waxed off!

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  8. (The things I google and copy and paste for you, Es.)

    Gung ho
    Meaning
    Zealous and eager.

    Origin
    This is an adaptation of the Chinese kung - work, and ho - together. The Anglicized term gung ho became widely known in English as a slogan that was adopted in WWII by the United States Marines under General Evans Carlson. The New York Times Magazine reported this in 1942:

    "Borrowing an idea from China, Carlson frequently has what he calls 'kung-hou' meetings... Problems are threshed out and orders explained."

    The following year Life magazine reported:

    "He [Carlson] told them [the Marines] of the motto of the Chinese Co-operatives, Gung Ho. It means Work Together... My motto caught on and they began to call themselves the Gung Ho Battalion."

    -k xo

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  9. Hilarious and touching... as ALWAYS!

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  10. You're going to the conference?? Dang! I learned of it a tad bit too late but maybe I'll try to check in next year?? Then I can say I met Essie :) LOL

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  11. I'll be there! We never met, but I read your blog. And when I read you were going, it confirmed to me that I should go too. Not cause I'm a stalker. Seriously.

    But your blog has made me laugh outloud and that is worth so much. (seriously, I read Corey and others blogs too.) I don't have time to blog, how do you all do it? I don't have time to put laundry away either, but now I am just rambling and making excuses...

    I live in Orlando, and I am going to be a driver! I can't wait to meet you soon. :)

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  12. Sally, seriously I don't put laundry away. That's where I get the time! Piles of it are currently in the hallway where anyone who needs something clean can help themselves!

    Stupid laundry.

    Kate THANKS! That's sort of what I though, zealous and eager. The military meeting part has me a little confused but I mostly get it now!

    MC- you gotta go, maybe you can still go!

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