Wednesday, October 9, 2013

twerking my nerves

Ya know, I don't consider myself to be an out- of- touch person. I like to think I keep up with current trends, pop culture and irrelevant gossip about people I'll never know. However, when this "twerking" thing came up, it was news to me.

What is twerking? It appears to mean to convulse one's buttocks in a seizure-esque way to look hot while dancing. I can't speak to whether or not it works. I'll just say it doesn't float my boat.

I've heard a lot of stupid shit in my life, but this is like the fresh shiny steaming bit at the top of the turd pile.
Seriously, twerking????

It occurs to me that we people have the power to change this word. We people made it up, and we people can eradicate it. How, you ask? How could one accomplish such an amazing feat?

The answer is so simple. Moms take over the word. It's bad enough when a cool phrase goes mainstream, and boring average people start using it. But let a bunch of mini-van driving, yoga pant wearing (despite those pants never ever seeing a downward facing dog), used tissue in the sleeve/ pocket/ handbag carting, MOMS start to say it? Forget it. It's over.

I even thought of an acronym- Moms Opposed (to) Mouth Stupidity!
Ok, I'll work on it.

So that's my plan. MOMS take over that idiotic word. We twist (twerk?) the meaning to: an extreme irritation. As in, that is getting on my nerves. Now would be, that is twerking my nerves. Added bonus- horrifying any teenager in a 3 block radius, double bonus points if the teen is related.

Currently twerking my nerves are people who want to video their brilliant child (not as brilliant as mine though) in some performance. They raise arms holding an ipad just like John Cusack and his boom box in Say Anything. The damn ipad obscures the view of parents such as myself for 5-6 rows back. The annoyance on those faces is clear, partly because the ipad proceeds to illuminate everything for a half mile behind the offender.

  like this only not nearly so cool, not cool at all

Showing off not only their technical prowess but their financial exuberance, the ipad user wants everyone to know he/she has an ipad and won't hesitate to use it. A mighty pride obscures common sense and it twerks my nerves.

THIS awesome blogger had another point, which is that twerking looks suspiciously like a child throwing a tantrum. Therefore, I've started using it there as well.
"She had a raging twerk last night".
"I got to enjoy a full out twerking fit".
"She was so mad she was twerking across the floor".

Please, do share. What twerks your nerves?


  1. So, maybe you've heard that twerking is based on a traditional African dance? I was in Peace Corps in West Africa from 2000-2002, and we did this dance all the time! It is called the mapouka. I kept hearing about Miley Cyrus's dance, and I was so surprised when I learned it was the same thing.

  2. Love the Say Anything reference - one of my faves. Great post!

  3. I am TOTALLY TWERKED at the moment because my secretary told me I had umpteen zillion Confirmation interviews tonight (from 4-6 on Friday night when I want to be home), but here I am waiting for them in the church basement and there is NO ONE HERE. At least there is a computer; that's something. I'm still twerked, though.

  4. I LOVE the idea of moms using an annoying word so that it loses it's appeal and disappears quickly. I'm so twerked that I didn't think of this tragedy when the word "sick" was cool, and "actually" was being overused/abused in this house.

    1. that's so funny, because when the word "sick" became a popular thing to say I did a post, ages ago, about it. There was some stupid commercial that used it about a sick truck- argh, so dumb!

  5. Hilarious post, Essie! :'D And kudos for adding that iconic moment from Say Anything!

    1. I've been waiting for years to stick it somewhere.... not sure if it really, exactly fits, but well, close enough!


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