Wednesday, January 12, 2011


Here I am standing outside of Oprah's house in Chicago (in November). I waited patiently to be invited in for dinner, and perhaps a makeover. We would have chit- chatted about life and books, and I would have shared idea's for her next book club selection. You all would have thanked me because I would never have suggested anything by  Charles Dickens. Not even his grocery list. Anyway.

Don't I look patient? It was cold, and getting dark and still, my phone never rang. No butler came jogging out of the building with a lovely handwritten invitation on beautifully monogrammed paper.

Here I am still waiting.

No, it did not get brighter out. I was playing with the edit settings on the camera. I clearly need a makeover as you can see, I am wearing dark pants with bright white running shoes! Note that I am still waiting. Note that I am not a patient person. I got distracted by this shiny thing.

The big enormous Ferris Wheel at Navy Pier. While I was waiting (and getting cold, hungry and crabby) we decided to take a ride. I was sure there was no way Genea was getting on this thing. Even Teena, who fears nothing, was intimidated. We get up close and Genea starts saying ....... OH no, I am not getting on THAT! To which I was all empathetic and stuff. You know like....... oh honey, I know it looks scary but I really think you would like it..... won't you please try? To which The Husband says....... knock it off, you're going on. And she did!

Here is Teena

And here is Genea!
Note that we are riding up past Oprah's house on the Ferris Wheel. It did not help. My pictures went wonky here, I don't know why.

So, that was Oprah Fail #77
(I lost track of how many Fails there have been so I am estimating. Generously. But close!).

While I am at it, I applied for the audience a bunch of times and got the big "No Oprah for you!" form letter back. Just this week I applied for 10 more shows with the same response. I am going a bit out of order with my Fail numbers but we all know I am math impaired and went to public school, so it is not my fault and no one cares anyway. 

I experienced Oprah Fail #78 and #79 at Christmas dinner this year. I asked all the people I know who are living in Chicago right now if they knew anyone with connections or someone who could, you know, break into the ticket safe at the Harpo Studios. My sister's father- in- law used to work at the Ritz Carlton in Chicago so I thought, he has got to know someone! Alas, another fail. Then I hit up my sister's brother- in- law who is a personal- injury attorney. The fancy kind, with his own commercial and everything. Fail #79.

Again, like I have said, this is becoming an urgent matter. Once the talk show is over, that's it for me. Our satellite package does not include the OWN channel. We have like, 14 different versions of ESPN, but no Ope. 



  1. I'm beginning to think that perhaps Oprah is scared of you? Hmm maybe I should start stalking her audience lists.. If I could get 2 tickets, Id' totally bring you along :)

  2. Honestly, one more thing I've never seen - an Oprah show. But, I'm sure she is afraid you'd become more popular.

    I wish I could send you OWN; we get it....and trade for the five or six wonderful British mystery-running channels we used to get with our dish (when the TV actually worked, of course).

  3. Maybe a blog entirely devoted to O would get her attention? I don't mean a post. A. BLOG.

  4. I love your dedication to the Oprah cause. It's an inspiration to us all. You should totally get your OWN show.

  5. From your lips to Oprah's ears!

    An Oprah blog.... that could be good. I'm not sure I have the time to get one going enough to attract her attention before The End.

    MC, I'll go with you!

    Annie, you slay me. How could you avoid Oprah for 25 years?????

  6. Hi. Good luck getting on Oprah. Perhaps a different approach than the norm? Maybe you could get on the news, in the paper somehow and attract major Oprah attention.

    Great story about the ferris wheel. The Husband definitely came to the rescue getting the girls to go on.


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